With the summer comes more bugs and their bites -- including the suspense of wondering what bit you. If you live in a city that has bed bugs (many of them do), it only takes a few too many itchy red bumps to start believing the worst.

Brooklyn didn't even break the top 10 cities with bed bugs, and I could easily name a handful of people I know who have gotten them. Two years ago, I had a two-month scare that culminated in me learning that I had fleas instead. Sure, fleas weren't great, but I've never been so psyched to have them.

Even if you're lucky and don't end up having them, the process of figuring that out can be almost as stressful, time consuming and crazy-making as actually having bed bugs. Here's what you're in for.

Itching

They say that bed bugs tend to bite in clusters, so naturally any kind of red bump constellation is cause for concern. Unfortunately, doctors can't diagnose bed bug bites just by looking at them -- they can only make an educated guess. Your best bet is finding a bug.

Inspection

The best way to confirm whether or not you have bed bugs is to find one. If you can't do that, you have to look for signs they leave behind — extra skin, eggs and feces. So yes, in between biting you and driving you crazy, these little jerks still have time to reproduce and poop in your bed. That's enough to make you want to throw it away.

Research

This stage is dangerous and unless you have overwhelming evidence that you have bed bugs, it's nothing to mess with. Even if you are sure you have them, the Internet is not your friend. It's a place to confirm what a bed bug looks and call an exterminator. Beyond that, it will lead you down a weird wormhole of message board horror stories that will transition you sleeplessly into the stage of full blown...

Paranoia

You've likely felt one or more imaginary bugs crawling on you just reading this, or at least I did while writing it. It's an inevitable consequence of the inspection and research stages that ends in so many trips to Home Depot that you consider applying for a part-time job there.

Action

Between all the laundry and alarming your roommates alone, thinking you have bed bugs can turn into A full-time job. Remember that it's not your responsibility to turn yourself into an exterminator overnight. It's actually dangerous and irresponsible to take on chemicals you're not experienced with. Most states and cities have laws holding the landlord financially responsible for handling the infestation, which means hiring a professional to handle it. Unless you want to spend months with your clothes in garbage bags, wait until this process is in motion to even bother with the laundry.

Insanity

The longer you've spent on the first five stages, the worse the insanity will be. You've invested so much time, energy and money that even if an exterminator tells you don't have bed bugs (either at all or anymore), you refuse believe them. It's like you've developed Stockholm Syndrome for these nightmare bugs and you can't imagine life without them — mostly because it feels like they ruined the one you had before. Don't worry, they didn't.

Acceptance

Whether they turn out to be bed bugs or not, at the end of the day they're just bug bites and they're only an issue if you scratch them. The impulse to obsess over the possibility is just another itch to steer clear of. Worst case scenario, you have them and they're not forever. Second worst case scenario, you spend too many months and too much money thinking you have them and don't. Either way, you'll come out of the experience with more compassion for anyone in a similar situation... and maybe a good exterminator referral.