Now that "Magic Mike XXL" has exploded all over theaters, people are lining up to go and see it -- as well they should, because it is a MASTERPIECE OF MODERN CINEMA. But you know what the best part of the movie was? It wasn't watching Channing Tatum vogue, or Joe Manganiello's amazing supermarket sex dance -- it was Jada Pinkett Smith. For serious.
Now, I know what you're thinking, people who haven't seen the movie yet. "How in the heck could Jada Pinkett Smith could be the best part of a movie that's almost entirely about male strippers performing sexy dances for women? Did you see the ABS on Joe Manganiello? Jada Pinkett Smith doesn't have ABS, does she? DOES SHE?"
Well, first of all, technically she DOES have abs, because that's how the human body works and you need those abdominal muscles to breathe and stuff. But also, please trust me on this -- Jada is incredible and I want her to narrate my life for the rest of ever. Also, go see the movie because why haven't you yet already??
Let's run down just what makes Jada Pinkett Smith's character, Rome, so special in this movie:
She successfully operates her own business.Warner Bros.
Rome runs a converted mansion-turned-subscription-based-sexy-times-service in where women pay a monthly fee to watch men dance for them and make them feel special. And yeah, it works. Really, really well. She's pretty much the most powerful, important person in the entire movie.
She refuses to be taken in by Channing Tatum's infectious charm.Warner Bros.
I don't understand how anyone is able to resist Channing Tatum. Like, just look at his adorably dopey face and his ridiculous hips! I know it's in the script that Rome doesn't automatically agree to help Mike, but the fact that Jada Pinkett Smith was able to read her lines as written and not just immediately cave in to his demands is inspiring.
In fact, SHE'S the one with the real charm.Warner Bros.
Girl literally leans in real close and smizes at people to get what she wants and it WORKS. Heck, not even Elizabeth Banks can say no.
Seriously, her voice is like butter. Strong, empowering butter.WireImage
I've alluded to this already, but if I could have just a running narration of life advice from Jada Pinkett Smith playing in my head for the rest of my life, then I would achieve self-actualization within a matter of hours. Ever feel guilty about going for a second bagel in the morning? Just imagine what Rome would say to that -- probably something like, "You are a goddess and you deserve to have your FILL!"
She can rock a suit and fedora like no other.Warner Bros.
You know how hard it is to put one of those things on your head these days? If you don't wear it juuuust right, you run the risk of becoming an Internet punchline. Jada Pinkett Smith wears fedoras right. That is the only way she can wear them. Even Frank Sinatra would be like, "Dang, that lady is stylish."
She recognizes that we are all queens.Warner Bros.
Do you ever sometimes get annoyed by that whole "SLAY KWEEN SLAY" meme on social media? (It's okay to admit, you're among friends.) Because Jada Pinkett Smith will make you forget all that -- when she calls you a queen, you FEEL like one. She could dismantle the entire ruling hierarchy of Westeros just by giving the peasant women of Oldtown a brief pep talk.
She knows what we REALLY want as women.Getty Images
Let's face it, despite all the strides we've made in the name of feminism it's still tough to be a woman -- whether it was intentional or not, it's likely that you've been indirectly socialized by traditional gender roles to feel as though you should want less, that you take up too much space, that you should be more accommodating to other peoples' needs.
You know what Rome says to that? Maybe YOUR needs should take center stage once in a while. It's not so much about watching some dude grind on a lady's crotch, as it is getting to feel like you're allowed to celebrate your own desires, regardless of what you look like or who you are. Washboard abs may come and go, but that's a message that stands the test of time.