Funny or Die

This Badass American Girl Doll Action Movie Trailer Will Ruin Your Childhood

Samantha, Kirsten, Molly and more team up to kick Barbie's butt.

Ah, American Girl dolls. There's a good chance you grew up throwing tea parties for Samantha or begging for a $75 tiny dresser for Kirsten. One thing you probably didn't do with them, though, is take them into battle.

Funny or Die is ready to change your perception of these 18-inch toys with "American Girl Dolls: The Action Movie." Starring "Veep"'s Anna Chlumsky, the fake film trailer is a hilarious look at what would happen if Pleasant Company's historical heroes wielded machetes instead of kitchen knives.

The trailer features five of your American Girl favorites, including Kirsten ("the baddest bitch in the West") and Samantha ("the original American Sniper"). The girls take on formidable foes like eating turnips and defeating Barbie, public enemy #1 in doll-land.

Chlumsky's Kirsten especially delivers some gems. When Kit practices her not-so-stellar fighting abilities, Kirsten admonishes her, "You hit like a girl. I need you to hit like an American Girl!"

So dig your American Girl dolls out of the closet and put them to their proper use: destroying Barbie and Ken the way only inanimate early 20th century socialite children can.