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The 'Jerry Maguire' Kid's Father's Day Rant-Tribute Is The Best

Don't mess with J. Lip.

Remember Jonathan Lipnicki? He was the cute glasses-clad "Jerry Maguire" kid who taught you about the human head weighing eight pounds and how his next-door neighbor had three rabbits.

Yeah, you remember. This kid.

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The thing is, he kind of doesn't want people to remember him like that anymore -- especially those Hollywood honchos who make casting decisions and stuff. At least, that was the take-away we got from this hysterical (and also kind of frightening) Father's Day video he did for his on-screen stepdad.

In it, not-little Lipnicki made an effort to distance himself from his former "ludicrously, almost illegally adorable" self whom "women would ovulate just from looking at" (his words, not ours) by doing all of the following:

  1. Revealing his benching stats, the fact that he's a purple belt in competitive Brazilian jujutsu, and a shirtless picture of himself.

    250? Not too shabby.

  2. Creating a first-name-letter-and-surname-snippet nickname for himself.

    "You don't want to f--k with J.Lip." [Submitted without comment.]

  3. Breaking character and dropping three f-bombs in one sentence.

    "Everybody still thinks of me as the cute little kid from 'Jerry Maguire.' Nevermind that I'm a talented, classically trained adult actor capable of playing a wide variety of roles because, hey, it's the cute little kid from 'Jerry Maguire! Say 'Show me the money!' That's not even my f--king line you f--king f--k. Yes, I said it. I said f--k."

  4. Calling Jerry out for being kind of a batsh-t, opportunistic jerk.
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    "I'm here to thank you, Jerry Maguire. For everything you did for me -- from drunkenly brooding on my mom's couch having a nervous breakdown. To dropping completely unnecessary f-bombs when I wanted to go to the zoo."

  5. Making pun of the movie's most memorable moment.
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    "Happy Father's Day Jerry. You kind of lost me at quan. But you had me at hello."

Well played, J.Lip. We'll try to retool our eight pound noggins to see you as a grown-up from now on. But no promises or anything.