By Kim Proschka

It’s finally the end of the semester and there is only one thing between you and the sweet, sweet taste of freedom: the graduation ceremony.

We know you’ve already been busy preparing by watching your favorite graduation movies and shows instead of working on your finals – but don’t let Hollywood fool you. Your IRL graduation won’t actually be a montage of the best, most memorable moments – such as the touching valedictorian speech, seeing your parents tear up, posing for pictures with your BFFS, or the party afterwards – but more like the director’s cut of an obscure independent mumble-core flick: super long, somewhat boring and maybe just a little confusing.

But don’t worry – we’ve got your back. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of things that will definitely NOT happen during your graduation ceremony in order to prepare you for your big day and all its eventualities. And if all else fails, remember: You are graduating after all.

The class hottie doesn’t actually show up naked …

… or rush on stage to kiss you.

Phew, good thing we got the hardest ones out of the way.

No one actually breaks out in song.

Still trying to decide whether this is a good or bad thing.

It will not actually be just 5 minutes long.

Try five hours.

You’re not actually going to see just your best friends on stage.

Remember that guy that sat behind you in math for one semester freshman year? No? Well, you’re still going to have to sit through his walking on the stage. And that of hundreds of people you’ve never even met before.

Gossip Girl will not actually interrupt the ceremony with a shocking announcement.

As soon as you hit the second hour of speeches, you’re going to wish they did.

You won’t actually be faced with a “life-or-death” decision.

Bella needs decide whether she wants to become a vampire or stay human. You, on the other hand, only need to choose a career. Wait, maybe it is life or death after all …

A (not-so) secret admirer will not actually gift you a car.

Unless you have really awesome parents.

You won’t actually look amazing in a cap and gown.

No one does, don’t worry.

They won’t actually pronounce your name right.

However, all your late night caffeine runs to Starbucks will have already prepared you for this.

You won’t actually keep your cool.

Ain’t no shame in shedding a tear.

But: You will actually graduate … eventually.

Congratulations, Class of 2015!