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The 31 Men Of 'Game Of Thrones,' Ranked By Westerosi Hotness

Westeros is an ugly place. Its men, however, are hot.

Westeros is a place filled with violence, hatred, intolerance, cruelty, and all of those things in one when it comes to Ramsay Bolton. But lucky for viewers, the home of our favorite "Game of Thrones" characters -- well, that and Essos -- is also a place filled with insanely attractive women and men.

It's the latter we're focusing on today (because let's be honest, you've heard enough of every frat bro you know raving about Daenerys), so without further ado, here are the 31 main men of Westeros, ranked super scientifically according to hotness -- of their characters, by the way. The actors themselves are all awesome, and we would never judge them on their physical attractiveness alone:

  1. Ramsay Bolton
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    The actor who plays Ramsay, Iwan Rheon, is a perfectly nice looking man. But Ramsay is pure nightmare fuel, and therefore belongs on the bottom of this list.

  2. Robert Baratheon
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    Robert seemed like a fun guy to have a beer or ten with, but he always looked greasy and like he had bits of bacon stuck in his beard. No thanks.

  3. King Joffrey
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    Much like with Ramsay, the horrific personality of my One True King puts him low on the list. Sorry, buddy.

  4. Varys
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    It's not Varys' fault that he was cut, but the lack of sex hormones is a definite turn off.

  5. Stannis Baratheon
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    Also a turn off? Everything about Stannis Baratheon, who would totally be an Internet message board troll in another lifetime.

  6. Littlefinger
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    Attractive? Sure. Creepy as f--k? Definitely.

  7. Daario Naharis 1.0
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    Who?

  8. Lancel Lannister
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    Ugh. Such a handsome man, but between the weird religious cult stuff and the sex with Cersei stuff, no thank you. Also, you can't trust him with your wine, which is a major relationship dealbreaker.

  9. The Hound
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    There are many attractive things about The Hound. His horrific scarring and obsessive vendetta against his brother, however, knocks him down a few pegs.

  10. Theon Greyjoy

    His name is now Reek. That tells you everything about his placement on this list.

  11. Hodor
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    Hodor.

  12. Sam Tarly
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    He gets sweetheart points, but that'll only get you so far in Westeros, Sam.

  13. Bronn
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    Bronn is great, but has little potential in the boyfriend material department. Too much whoring.

  14. Jaqen H'ghar
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    A girl finds him attractive.

  15. Ser Pounce
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    Overall a girl prefers ginger cats, but Pounce makes his fluffy grey coat WORK.

  16. Davos Seaworth
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    He'd be much higher up if he yanked his nose out of Stannis' backside and stopped talking about his missing fingers.

  17. Renly Baratheon
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    The kindest and most attractive Baratheon was gone way too soon. We understand why Brienne was smitten.

  18. Podrick Payne
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    Inexplicably the best lover in Westeros, Pod is also easy on the eyes and kind in the soul. We dig him.

  19. Gendry
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    He's been missing in action for an eternity, but he probably looks great while lost in the woods, or whatever.

  20. Jorah Mormont
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    A very sexy man with a very unfortunate, borderline stalker crush. Get over that, and you're golden.

  21. Tywin Lannister
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    Power can be an immense turn on. Such is the case for Tywin Lannister. SWOON.

  22. Tyrion Lannister
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    What he lacks in stature he make up for in wit and a handsome face (and of course, things he can do with his tongue, per every hooker in Westeros).

  23. Grey Worm
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    He landed Missandei. What more do you need to know?

  24. Daario Naharis 2.0
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    He landed Daenerys. What more do you need to know?

  25. Loras Tyrell
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    There is a pretty solid reason why no man, woman or child (Tommen) can resist the sexual temptations of the Tyrells. Hot damn, Knight of Flowers.

  26. Ned Stark
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    We're getting into Stark territory here, folks. In last place for the Starks is Ned, who did not live long enough to give us reasons to rank him higher. But still -- between the loyalty to Catelyn and his children and all that honor crap, Ned was pretty great. In a different universe, he'd have been numero uno.

  27. Jon Snow
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    "You look so pretty, Jon Snow. You'd look even prettier if you smiled. Why don't you give me a smile, sweetie?"

    ... But seriously, all street harassment jokes aside, Jon wins for the "Kissed by Fire" cave scene alone.

  28. Robb Stark
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    The King of the North was kind, just, brave, seemingly great in bed, super handsome, and gone way too soon. But man oh man, what a way to go.

  29. Khal Drogo
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    It's impressive that Drogo, who has only appeared in 10 episodes of "Thrones," still makes hearts go all aflutter. Daario is definitely handsome, but when it comes to the men in Dany's life, no one will ever replace the hunk of tribalistic meat that was Drogo. Damn flesh wounds.

  30. Jaime Lannister
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    Incest is gross, but having the face of the prince from "Shrek" and the body of a male model puts Jaime Lannister at the top -- of our still-alive Westeros hotties, anyway. Besides, whenever you remember his relationship with Cersei you can switch your mind over to his relationship with Brienne, and daydream all his Lannister troubles away.

  31. Oberyn Martell
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    Why oh why, "Game of Thrones," did you dangle amazing characters like Drogo and Oberyn Freaking Martell in our faces for only a single season, make us fall in love, then take them away? Oberyn was ridiculously handsome, but also had the most dynamic personality of anyone on this list. It says a lot that Pedro Pascal entered "GoT" during its fourth season, when it was already established that we mainly care about Starks, Lannisters and Daenerys, and became such a fan-favorite character. He is sorely missed, and if the show doesn't cut his unfortunate relative Quentyn I'm going to Mountain v. Viper with David Benioff and D.B. Weiss.