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You'll Never Guess What Our Pollution Is Doing To Polar Bears' Penises

We're basically cock-blocking these cute, fluffy bears. Not cool.

It’s time to talk about penises. Specifically, polar bear penises.

If you didn’t think you needed to worry about them before, there's a new study (via Vice) that proves they’re in legit danger -- and it’s all because of man-made pollution.

A team of scientists at Aarhus University in Denmark studied the penile bones -- also called "bacula," or "baculum" singular -- of 279 polar bears in Canada and Greenland. The baculum is a bone found in mammals like bats, mice, and raccoons, and it basically helps the penis do its thang during reproduction.

The researchers focused on a really harmful pollutant called PCBs (polychlorinated biphenyls) and found that there’s a link between high levels of the chemical and low bone density in the baculum.

They wrote that “reductions in penile BMD [bone density] could lead to increased risk of species extinction because of mating and subsequent fertilization failure as a result of weak penile bones and risk of fractures.”

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Translation: These pollutants are breaking the bears’ penises and making it hard for them to make cute little polar bear babies.

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Polar bears already have rough lives because of the climate change that’s constantly threatening their habitats and, um, entire existences, so this whole penis-breaking news just feels like kicking them while they’re down.

Consider this a public service announcement that polar bears are way too cute to be suffering like this, so stop polluting! Do it for the penises! Right, Liam?

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