Your breath is rancid. Your hair is a wreck. Your head is pounding. Before you even open your eyes, you have a sinking suspicion that it’s true: You’ve accidentally engaged in sexy time with the human equivalent of a TapouT shirt.
Hooking up with a d-bag is a dating snafu that even the smartest of single ladies can find herself ensnared in, yet the sting never seems to lessen with each new frosted-tipped tumble. Here are 19 signs that you just (dammit) hooked up with a d-bag. Sorry.
1. His favorite movie is the "Scarface" poster.
2. You only have three things in common. And they’re all Jäger bombs.
3. When you ask him what his tattoo means, he tells you, “I’m not sure -- it’s written in tribal.”
4. He opens your beer for you. With his teeth.
5. You put his name in your phone as “Don’t Do This Again.”
6. While on your walk of shame, you search Google Images for “pubic lice”
7. He shows you to the door by reaching over the center console and unlocking it for you.
8. The first thing he says when you wake up is, “You want to go get breakfast? You’re the best. I’ll be right here waiting.”
9. There are no clean towels in his bathroom, so you have to use some other girl’s t-shirt to dry your hands.
10. All of his heroes are wrestlers.
11. You have scratches all over your body from the spikes in his hair.
12. He tells you, “Got a nice body. And if you play your cards right, maybe you’ll get to see it a second time.”
13. There are two or more dragon-related items within a five-foot radius of his bed.
14. When you leave his apartment, his neighbor spots you, shakes her head and sadly mutters, “Oh no. Another one.”
15. As he’s putting back on his dirty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles boxers, he warns you not to get too attached.
16. He asks for your email. He feels more comfortable sending di-- pics that way.
17. During pillow talk, he says that you remind him of his ex, because “you’re almost as hot as her.”
18. He calls you “babe.” Because he doesn’t know your name.
19. Your first thought after the deed is to text your BFF, “Guess who I just did? :("