Generally speaking, being coerced into sticking around a date's house might be reason to call the police, but in and around December, it's cause for seasonal merriment!

"Baby, It's Cold Outside," first performed by Frank Loesser and his wife Lynn Garland in 1944, has since become a beloved Christmas classic and asks carolers each year: How fun is it when a guy maybe slips something in your drink and then proceeds to dazzle you with sentiments like "Baby don't hold out" and "What's the sense in hurting my pride?" Welp, consider the patriarchy done for.

"Girl Code"'s Shalyah Evans, a verifiable expert on the nativity, has dreamed up a brand-new version of the tune with Funny or Die's Jason Flowers in which the song's female lead is a top-tier government official who'd prefer if her cyborg sex-slave husband (one of six!) would just shut up and submit, already.

The melody starts out familiarly enough ("I really can't stay...") but soon, Evans grows tired of the patronizing song and dance and puts her cards on the table. "This is starting to get repetitious/This refrain is getting old/You're only a cyborg love slave/Programmed to tell me it's cold," she croons. Hang up some garland, set out a tray of egg nog cocktails and Christmas really is in full bloom!

Listen to the soon-to-be-classic, and be sure to add it to your holiday party playlist!