Ah! The hormones! The high school dances! The horror of it all! Being a teen dude means swimming in a veritable sea of confusion and cute girls. Do girls bite? Do they like to be bitten? What are you supposed to do with those bra straps?

It’s no surprise that teen dudes are often grasping at straws when it comes to having a handle on the opposite sex. Unfortunately, generation after generation of dudes seems to be growing into man-dudes who believe some dating “tips” that are wrong, wrong, wrong. Here is a list of dating lies that teen guys need to stop believing faster than they can say, “Do you want to ditch second period?”

If a girl turns you down, just be persistent.

There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness, and it’s important to learn that distinction early on. Asking out a girl is a great way to put yourself out there and exude the kind of assuredness that makes anyone attractive, but if she declines, take a hint and move on. Persistently hassling a girl is obnoxious, disrespectful and a good way to win a ticket to Lonelyville.

When it comes to hair product, more is more.

It’s nice to make an effort when it comes to your appearance, but heads up, slathering your hair with enough oil to run a small car just makes you look, well, greasy. Consider skipping the goop in favor of a good old fashioned combing, or, if you must use product, err on the side of too little. No one wants to run her fingers through a scalp of slick wet spikes.

The key to a good kiss is to touch the back of her throat with your tongue.

Enthusiasm is understandable and even encouraged when you’re getting making out, but try your best to restrain yourself from getting so excited that you shove your entire tongue into her mouth. Kissing should be sensual and playful - not a wet, sloppy competition to see who stops breathing first.

Girls who ask guys out must have something wrong with them.

A girl who has confidence, knows what she wants and goes for it is a catch. Treat her as such. The sooner you learn this, the better your entire dating life will be.

The worth of your car is an indication of your worth as a person.

It’s easy to place a lot of importance on cars, especially if you’ve just started driving. The reality is, however, that while cool cars are fun to look at, they can’t go to the movies or share a pizza with you. Trust that you’re personality is enough to nab the right person, and that any girl who finds you attractive because of what you drive probably isn’t worth her weight in transmission fluid.

Girls like to have their heads patted.

Just a few words on this one: nah, nope, and hell f***ing no. Got it? Cool.

You can perform awesome oral sex by “doing the alphabet” with your tongue.

When it comes to going down town, starting with the ABCs isn’t a terrible idea, insofar as it does drive home the importance of keeping things moving. A girl can always tell, however, when a guy is performing a “routine” on her, so once you get the basics down, it’s best to pay attention to what she’s responding to and allow yourself to improvise.