<a href="http://ladycrappo.imgur.com/" target=_blank">Lady Crappo's Imgur</a>

18 Photos Of Nail Art Like You've Never (Ever!) Seen It Before

We'll take the STD mani, please.

Yeah, yeah. We know you've peeped a lot of nail art over the last several years, but dudes, we gotta be real for a second: we've never seen designs like this before. Meet Lady Crappo, a manicurist who is not only super talented artist, but a total badass. Her designs are equal parts smart and funny as they are breathtaking and stunning. Basically, you just need to peep ’em ASAP. Check out 18 of our favorites below!

1. Mmmmm, foodborne illness nails just in time for Thanksgiving.

(From pinky to thumb: Staphylococcus aureus, Campylobacter, Clostridium perfringens, Salmonella, and Norovirus.)

2. Perhaps some international maritime signal flags that spell out "P-E-N-I-S" are more your speed.

3. Bondage nail art? How "50 Shades of Grey" of you.

4. These Hattie Stewart-inspired nails are next level.

5. Betcha didn't know this set was inspired by a mathematician named Oliver Byrne.

6. These bad boys look scenic, but are actually a tiny recreation of food court wall art.

7. Dang, those are some detailed prints.

8. Talk about decked-out tips.

9. Lovin' (heh) this STD mani for Valentine's Day.

10. These nails look straight out of "Saved By The Bell."

11. [insert cheesy travel quote about the open road here]

12. This broken porcelain is so on point.

13. Just some hand-painted "Warhammer 40K" commando nails, NBD.

14. A secret garden manicure with an ACTUAL secret garden. Bye.

15. Vaccine-preventable diseases never looked better.

16. Nail art.

17. Ahhh, "Inception" manicure!

18. EVEN CRAZIER "INCEPTION" MANICURE. 2 MUCH 2 HANDLE. *head explodes*

To see even more of Lady Crappo's designs, head on over to her Tumblr!