I hate Christmas music. That's why I love gross bastardizations of

Yuletide favorites. You haven't lived until you've heard a then-unknown

adolescent named Jon Bon Jovi and a choir of other children sing "R2D2, We

Wish You a Merry Christmas" or schlock-pop-Euro-disco freakazoids Boney M

impale "Joy to the World" on a flaming sequined wizard's hat...