As Matthew McConaughey celebrates his 45th birthday today, a person might look back on the last year of his life and be wowed by all that the actor has accomplished. After spending many years happily playing the role of shirtless punchline to many a Hollywood joke, Matthew McConaughey has fully reinvented himself, emerging from the 1990's rom-com chrysalis as a versatile, daring, devastatingly skilled actor.
But he's not done yet.
NAY! The McConaughaissance may have had its banner year in 2014, but it has also only just begun. Below, we've planned out a timeline for Matthew McConaughey's next 45 years on earth, in which each of his achievements will be even greater than the last. If all goes according to plan, here's what the coming years will bring:
McConaughey scores yet another Oscar for his role in "Interstellar."
McConaughey becomes the star of an as-yet-undeveloped superhero franchise.
McConaughey is crowned People's Sexiest Man Alive, again, while simultaneously nabbing the TIME magazine Person of the Year award.
The actor launches a line of branded perfumes based on his own natural musk. Call them "McConessence."
His trademark catchphrase is adopted as our new national motto. Where it once said "E pluribus unum," all U.S. currency will now read, "Alright alright alright!"
McConaughey receives all twenty Oscar acting nominations for playing every character in a sprawling, four-hour-long adaptation of Marcel Proust's "In Search of Lost Time" saga... in French.
At the unveiling of a new, improved Statue of Liberty, visitors to Ellis Island are now welcomed by a 300-foot likeness of Matthew McConaughey playing frisbee with no shirt on.
Matthew McConaughey wins the triple crown of Hollywood awards-- an Emmy, a Golden Globe, and an Oscar -- all in the same year.
Matthew McConaughey wins the actual Triple Crown, running all three races wearing a horse costume and under the horse alias, "Texas Toast."
Matthew McConaughey becomes the first man to circumnavigate the globe on a pair of self-made wings.
The actor stars in a complete reboot of the original "Jurassic Park," doing all his own stuntwork with real, actual dinosaurs.
The following year, he makes headlines as an advocate for the now-booming dinosaur rescue movement, posing for the cover of Vanity Fair with his own pet velociraptor, Chuckles.
Matthew McConaughey is appointed the U.S. Ambassador to every country on earth.
Receives Nobel Prize for bringing about world peace with only the power of his smile.
Serves as the inventor, lead designer, and subject model for a new line of intelligent cyborgs, bringing a McConaughbot into every home.
Matthew McConaughey is elected Emperor of the Universe by unanimous decree, including absentee ballots issued by intelligent life forms in several other galaxies, who make first contact with Earth just to let us know that they really, really love Matthew McConaughey.