See The Methods Of A Cereal Killer -- Plus Other Crazy Cooking Techniques From 'Snack-Off''s After After Party Episode

You certainly won't find any of this on the Food Channel!

Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" successfully merged the world of haute cuisine and accessible, home cooking by emphasizing the importance of a few fundamental techniques.

Beating the sh** out of Fruity Pebbles with a wooden mallet wasn't one of them.

On tonight's "Snack-Off" episode, three amateur cooks battled it out for top honors -- the coveted Golden Spork -- as part of the show's "After After Party" episode. In one heat, they had to make a snack that'd be perfectly fitting for a 3 a.m. binge, and in another, they pulled out all the stops to create a dish that emphasized the beauty of America's favorite ladyfinger, the Twinkie.

Some entrees, like pina colada-infused French Toast, didn't fly, but others, like tater tot-injected croquettes, soared. Either way, we got eyefulls of methods along the way.

Check out five Anti-"Art of Cooking' techniques from tonight's episode!

Pouring jelly into scrambled eggs with cheese in them:

Blending chicken from a days-old take-out bucket:

Pouring vodka into doughnuts that you squished into doughnut balls:

Beating breakfast cereals into oblivion:

Wrapping raw bacon around a Twinkie: