Man Sues MLB, ESPN For $10m Because He Fell Asleep At Game

This could be the most profitable nap in baseball (and legal) history.

Nobody ever accused baseball of being the fastest-moving sport, and a guy’s liable to doze off after a few innings, especially when beer is added to the mix. But we’d NEVER imply that Andrew Robert Rector enjoyed a sip of any adult beverage before slumbering at the April 13 Yankees-Red Sox game, ’cause this dude is lawyered up.

When an ESPN cameraman noticed Rector catching some Zs at Yankee Stadium, announcers Dan Shulman and John Kruk poked fun at him for a couple minutes:

Rector is now suing the network, its announcers, Major League Baseball and even the Yankees themselves (maybe they should’ve played more thrillingly?) in Bronx County Supreme Court for $10 million, claiming defamation and emotional damage. The legal complaint argues that the broadcast led the public to assume Rector is a “symbol of failure” and furthermore:

“Plaintiff is [an] unintelligent and stupid individual.
“Plaintiff is not worthy to be fan of the New York Yankee[s].
“Plaintiff is a fatty cow that need[s] two seats…
“Plaintiff is [a] confused individual that neither understands nor knows anything about history and the meaning of rivalry between Red Sox and New York Yankee[s].
“Plaintiff is so stupid that he cannot differentiate between his house and public place by snoozing throughout the fourth inning of the Yankee game.”

Maybe the ESPN commentary was a little harsh — who hasn’t fallen asleep in public? — but $10 million is a ridiculous amount of cash. George Constanza could’ve been a rich, rich man: