Our ultimate BFF Mindy Kaling turns 35 today, and even though she's "anti-birthday", we just have to celebrate this funny gal who has given us memorable moments from "The Office", a hysterical sitcom, and a best-selling memoir we've dissected so we can be just like her (or was that just me?).

And then there is her entertaining Twitter feed: relatable, witty, opinionated and always hilarious, these one-liners are like 140-character gifts to her 2.99 M followers.

In honor of her 35th birthday, here are 35 of her most hilarious tweets:

1.

2.

Werewolves have officially "eclipsed" vampires hee hee. But what after werewolves? Centaurs I hope. Channing Tatum'd make a great centaur.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) September 17, 2013

3.

Girls like Spock cuz Spock's like "logically I should not feel love" and we're all like "oh yes you will, you little hot Vulcan bastard."

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 22, 2013

4.

If I were a dentist I'd "Another day, another molar."making eye contact with the hygienist and they would know i wanted to start an affair

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 2, 2013

5.

I am now declaring my intent to buy the Clippers. The uniforms will be the same but bedazzled. @blakegriffin32

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 29, 2014

6.

If I was blind I could tell who the hot girls in the nail salon were by how boring their stories are

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 18, 2014

7.

I'm not well dressed but my sweatpants were expensive

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 22, 2014

8.

I wish Taylor Swift and I were the youngest and oldest sisters, respectively, of a large Jane Austen-y type family

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 6, 2013

9.

“I hope I use these stamps before the price of stamps goes up.” I say, boringly, looking around hopeful to see if anyone says "me too!"

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 28, 2013

10.

Is it weird to say, I wish Bruno Mars was my son

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 3, 2014

11.

"Have you dined with us before?" No, but I PROMISE you I can figure this out with context clues, babe

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 26, 2014

12.

Girls, the lesson is, create a tv show and use it as your reason for needing emails and phone numbers. Like Seth Rogen and Kevin Reilly, say

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 6, 2013

13.

The whole airplane rule of "put your oxygen mask on first, then help the person next to you" is a great metaphor for life.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 3, 2012

14.

The main difference between LA and New York is that in LA if you're impatient you're the villain and in New York you're the hero.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) August 20, 2011

15.

David Beckham plays soccer?!

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 25, 2012

16.

Hey, male Avengers, I commit a crime against mutants, wanna come to my house and avenge them really hard

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 6, 2012

17.

I try to be drunk and serene

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) April 28, 2013

18.

I am so proud of the writing staff for not making a single observation out loud at the harassment meeting. Way to go you guys

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) July 25, 2012

19.

If I ever meet a murderer hiding in my house, I can say truthfully: "I've been expecting you." that will scare the hell out of him i bet.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) June 17, 2012

20.

A slug line is an ugly name for a beautiful thing. Lovely little slug line, the only thing that doesnt give me trouble

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) June 17, 2012

21.

When celebs get pestered by paparazzi why don't they just start singing "Hey Jude" or some incredibly expensive song to clear?

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) November 30, 2010

22.

hee hee i like when you're looking at the list of who a guy follows on twitter and it's just famous comedians and girls he's hooked up with

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) July 23, 2012

23.

"Oh no, I like the girl whose boyfriend I'm going to steal" is a subject of my first hit r&b song

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) August 17, 2012

24.

skinny foodie, get away from me

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) September 26, 2013

25.

Gardening is so fun, it is fashion for your dirt patches

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) August 12, 2013

26.

The art in my hotel room is very sexual and it's putting a lot of pressure on me

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) August 6, 2013

27.

I love my @ELLEmagazine cover. It made me feel glamorous & cool. And if anyone wants to see more of my body, go on thirteen dates with me.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 7, 2014

28.

Okay how do I dress this summer when I'm NOT at a music festival?

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 23, 2013

29.

I think I was the only person who ate food at the bbq I was at today - and I'm fine with that - I just want everyone to know that I know.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 28, 2013

30.

I leave my house in the morning and there are no spiders or cobwebs and when I come home at night it's like the crypt of the forgotten kings

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) May 24, 2013

31.

I am subtweeting this one person so hard it's like Fievel looking up at the stars and wondering if his dad is looking at the same star

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) July 12, 2013

32.

this whole foods frozen indian tv dinner i just ate is terrible, why did I never learn to cook the cuisine of my ancestors

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) March 24, 2013

33.

Oh shit, guys, I'm so excited, no one I saw today will I see tomorrow so I can wear the same outfit again.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) September 12, 2011

34.

I don't care, I'm still gonna make a run at Anderson Cooper

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) July 2, 2012

35.

I jog slowly to Dido songs pretending I'm a kid in Hunger Games, sometimes I cry.

— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) November 17, 2011