Pregnant Mila Kunis Refuses To Let Ashton Kutcher Near Her ‘Shredded’ Lady Parts

To be fair, neither would we.

Mila Kunis is slowly but surely revealing her tips for a peaceful pregnancy. Step 1, never let your significant other say “we’re pregnant.” Step 2, kick his you-know-what to the curb if he gets a little too close for comfort during the actual birthing process.

“Two people are allowed in my delivery room,” Kunis told Marie Claire for their July cover story. “My doctor and my significant other. And he is staying above the action. He’ll be head to head. Not head to vag. Unless he wants to risk his life and see. But I wouldn’t if I were him. I highly doubt he wants to see that being ripped apart and shredded. Because it will be shredded. It’s just a matter of how badly.”

That’s some token Kunis realness, right there. But don’t worry, all of you multitudes of people who feel bad for Ashton Kutcher — there are some perks to the preg. Mainly, the boobs.

“They’ve tripled in size,” Kunis continued. “I was a 34A; now I’m a 36C. I’m so excited! I’m telling everyone I know, ‘Go ahead, touch them!’”

Hear that? It’s the sound of 10 zillion AXE Body Spray-wearing bros losing their sh–. But Kunis’ heart, unfortunately, is pretty solidly set in one place.

“One day, it just changed,” she said of her relationship with her long-time friend, Kutcher. “All of a sudden, it wasn’t the same. And I was really proud of myself for acknowledging that. The best day of my life so far was the proposal. I cried. I was a mess. Not to discredit any relationships in my past, but this relationship is different.”

Awwwwwww. Check out the rest of Kunis’ interview when Marie Claire hits stands on June 24. And for now, make due with these gorgeous pictures?

Mila2 Marie Claire
Marie Claire July 2014 - Mila Kunis Marie Claire
A real go-getter.
@ShaunnaLMurphy