Tom Hiddleston And Robert Pattinson Star In Our Athletic Cheese-Chasing Fantasies

England's oddest annual event could use a little star power.

Until moments ago, we’d always thought that our most secret lifelong fantasy — namely, seeing our favorite Brits pursuing a giant wheel of cheese down a grassy knoll — could only ever be a fantasy, for obvious reasons. But now, the dream is suddenly within reach! All we need to do is convince the cast of our cheese-chasing fantasies to take part in next year’s annual Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake.

In the land of spotted dick and funny hats, this event still might be England’s most peculiar tradition: as reported by the Daily Dot, it’s a yearly gathering at the very steep Cooper’s Hill in Gloucester, with participants jockeying for the chance to leap downhill after an eight-pound wheel of Double Gloucester cheese. He who catches the cheese (or who catches up to it at the bottom first) wins it as a prize, along with lifetime bragging rights.

There’s just one part of this whole scenario that’s truly inexplicable: none of our favorite English celebs seem to take part in this fabulous tradition… yet. But maybe if we start petitioning now, we could see one of these fine fellows (or ladies) in pursuit of next year’s cheese.

Robert Pattinson
After all that running through the Pacific Northwestern forests for the “Twilight” films, a little jaunt downhill should be a piece of cake for the Pattz.

Tom Hiddleston

Bonus points if he chases the cheese in his rhinoceros beetle hat from “The Avengers.”

Tom Hardy
Even if he doesn’t catch the cheese, he could easily beat the crap out of whomever does, and take it from them.

Benedict Cumberbatch
If he can run down the wheel of cheese with half the alacrity that he chases criminals on “Sherlock,” Benedict will be the odds-on winner for sure.

Russell Brand
Truth be told, we’re kind of surprised that Russell isn’t front and center for this competition already; it just seems like his kind of thing, somehow. But maybe he just needs a little nudge?

Helen Mirren
Although the yearly cheese roll is oddly male-dominated — possibly because the women of England don’t see the appeal of risking death and/or concussion to chase dairy products downhill — we strongly suspect that Helen could rule this competition like she rules everything else.

Emma Watson
Already a successful actress and a college graduate, Emma could use a change of scenery… in the form of a year-long training stint for the pursuit of next year’s cheese.

Sean Bean
Whenever whatever character he’s currently playing gets killed off, as will inevitably happen, this would be one way for Sean to fill the hours.

Alan Rickman
If he doesn’t want to chase the cheese, we would be equally content to have Rickman do the color commentary for the event.