It’s a small world after all … at least for Hollywood execs.
Disney announced Wednesday (April 23) that Jon Turteltaub, director of the “National Treasure” movies, would be making its famous ride “It’s a Small World” into a very large feature film.
Ever since “Pirates of the Caribbean” made a gazillion dollars, Disney has been looking for the next big theme park adaptation, trying and failing with “The Haunted Mansion” and “The Country Bears.” Leaning on little nostalgia the movie, like the famous song, may prove irresistible to moviegoers in every language.
The only problem? The ride didn’t exactly have much of a story. But don’t worry, Disney! We’ve thought of seven possible plots that’ll make “It’s A Small World” into the biggest movie event of the year.
A Worldwide Family Treasure Hunt
Jon Turteltaub had a couple huge hits with the “National Treasure” movies, so why change the formula? Get Nic Cage and his interracial family and have them go on a treasure hunt that spans every continent. He gets help from the locals and learns the true meaning of tolerance.
Family-friendly could work, but every adaptation has to be gritty and meta now. A family that sneaks into the “It’s a Small World” ride at night, only to find that the cute dolls turn into flesh-eating monsters at night, and the song turns into a freaky ritualistic dirge (not that it’s not already). Vera Farmiga stars as the mom who has to fight off the dolls and save her family
The Bully Learns His Lesson
Max Small is a bully who always picks on kids who are different. But when he makes fun of another boy on the “It’s a Small World” ride, he gets more than he bargained for, and becomes one of the dolls himself. As he navigates his way through the international doll society, he has to help them save the ride from being shut down and come to terms with his intolerance.
An evil composer, played by Gary Oldman, is asked to do rearrangements of the “It’s a Small World” song, and puts in subliminal mind-control messages that make families give him all their money. Only one ragtag group of teens can stop him. Starring Josh Hutcherson as the head teenager.
The Battle For Fantastica, An Animated Adventure
Fantastica is a mythical land populated by the diminutive and adorable Tinia peoples. Theirs was a utopia, until an evil wizard split the people into different groups who now all hate each other. It was foretold that one day, someone would come to bring the Tinia together again. They just didn’t think that someone would be a human child! With Patrick Stewart as the wise Tinia leader.
“Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Small World”
Since “Pirates” is the only theme park franchise that’s really hit it big, just combine the two for max results. “Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Small World” sees Johnny Depp back as Captain Jack Sparrow, venturing to the ends of the earth to find the secret to eternal life. He stumbles on a secret land whose tiny indigenous peoples sing a mysterious, repetitive song. The meaning of the song just might hold the key to Jack’s wish, but he’ll have to fight Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa and the spirit of Leif Eriksson (Chris Hemsworth) to get it.