Letterman Out, Ladies In: 11 Women Who Could Take Over ‘Late Night’

Our humble suggestions for Dave's replacement. Which should be a woman, of course.

Dads across America are still reeling from Thursday’s surprise announcement that David Letterman would retire in a year, give or take. The wider world, however, is recovering from the shock and moving on the the next stage of grief: Acceptance.

Though the big changeover won’t happen until 2015, the hunt for a replacement has already begun. The Hollywood Reporter reported that CBS had previously tried to sign John Oliver to a hosting contract, before he made the jump to HBO, perhaps signalling an intent to go in a younger direction with the newest of late-night royalty.

I argue that the network needs to add another adjective to its wish list of host qualities, alongside “younger”: “Female.”

Take a look at your DVR backlog of late night shows (you’re too old to stay up that late every night, you have things to do) — it’s a real sausagefest. Love you to pieces, Jimmy and Seth, but it’s time to throw a lady into the network TV mix. Like, really.

Is it really accepted that aging white dudes are the only ones with the chops and likeability to draw in audiences? Think about how much of a jerk you’ll sound like if you agree with that sentence, then choose one of our 11 fantastic female suggestions to root for as the next hostess with the most-ess of “Late Night.”

Tina Fey

Duh. Duh. Everyone has a nice crush on Fey, and it doesn’t hurt at all that she’s proven herself as a funny-but-fair host not only behind the Weekend Update desk on “Saturday Night Live,” but is also America’s Goofy Sweetheart after her stint with the Golden Globes, not to mention a little something called “30 Rock.” She’d be a safe but great choice, and we already know from her “SNL” years that she can adapt to the schedule of a late night show. Bonus!

Plus, have you read “Bossypants”? Lady means business. Imagine her doing Jon Stewart-style interviews that you tweet the next day with “surprisingly thought provoking, lol.” (And a wag of the finger to you, because “lol” should not be used like punctuation.)

Amy Poehler

Again, duh. While this would mean that the greatest comedy about local government, “Parks and Recreation,” would be no more (um, guess Leslie’s taking that Chicago job, eh?), it would be a worthy sacrifice if it meant getting a little Poehler on the daily. She’s sweet, likable and funny, but no nonsense. Plus, the physical comedy possibilities here are endless: Please let us live in a world where Amy Poehler arm wrestles the Rock on national TV. Please.

Amy Schumer

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