What If Beck Had Written The ‘Mad Men’ Theme Song?

Beck passed on scoring 'Mad Men,' but his songs still do Don Draper proud.

Beck returns this week with Morning Phase, his first album in nearly six years, so long as you don’t count that dumb sheet music thing he put out at the end of 2012.

And with that new record comes a new round of interviews … including a Billboard magazine cover feature in which we learn that, once upon a time, Beck was repeatedly asked to write the theme song for AMC’s “Mad Men.”

As you are probably aware, he passed on the project (RJD2 ended up getting the gig), mostly because he didn’t think a show “about ad executives in the ’60s” was a good idea. But that revelation got us thinking: what if Beck actually had written the “Mad Men” theme? Would show creator Matthew Weiner written an alternate backstory for Don Draper (maybe his grandfather was a Fluxus artist) or replaced Ken Cosgrove with a Komondor?

Sadly, we’ll never know the answers to those questions … but that hasn’t stopped us from choosing a bunch of Beck songs that could have played over “Mad Men’s” opening credits. Here’s a look at what might have been.

“Beercan” There is plenty of drinking on “Mad Men,” after all. Though, to be fair, we only went with this one because there’s not an official video for “Whiskeyclone, Hotel City 1997.”

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“Deadweight” The Brazilian flourishes recall the lounge-y pop that soundtracked many a Space-Age soiree back in the day, so this song (which inexplicably appeared on the soundtrack to Danny Boyle’s “A Life Less Ordinary”) would be a perfect fit for the show … so long as Joan can learn it on the accordion, that is.

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“Hell Yes” Because I’m, like, 90-percent sure Bert Cooper would have one of those awesome Japanese dancing robots in his office.

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“Lost Cause” Man, is this Don Draper’s jam or what?

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“Mixed Bizness” The partners at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce mix bizness with leather (amongst other things) on a regular basis, and this Midnite Vultures single could score all that, uh, scoring. Of course, “Sexx Laws” would work equally well.

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“We Dance Alone” A slippery, sexy, strangely somnambulant song that would be the perfect audio accompaniment to “Mad Men’s” many forays into the darkness of the soul … or Ken Cosgrove’s next drug-fueled dance session.

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“Devil’s Haircut” AKA “Glen Bishop’s Theme.”

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