Kristen Stewart is no stranger to edgy — even questionable — hair choices. After all, this is the girl who traded her own long locks for a punky mullet so that she could play Joan Jett in “The Runaways.” But according to a new interview, her haircut bucket list has an item on it that makes that style look downright tame by comparison:
“I’m definitely going to shave my head before I die. I will definitely tattoo my head while it’s shaved before my hair grows back,” Stewart told Into the Gloss. “I’m not sure which part, probably the bottom quadrant in the back. I don’t know what the tattoo would be, yet. Still thinking.”
Which is probably a wise move: as our grandmother used to say, if you’re going to get a tattoo on your head, you’ve got to choose it thoughtfully. But if K-Stew is yearning for a shorn skull and a tatted scalp, we’ve got several classy suggestions about what her ink should be:
Something To Make The Fanboys Cry
One of Kristen’s existing tattoos, consisting of four parallel lines on her inner wrist, is an homage to the punk band Black Flag; a fact which caused a chorus of outraged howls of “Poser!” from crotchety punk purists. Never one to shy away from stirring the pot, this would be a great opportunity for Kristen to rile up someone else. Perhaps the Tolkienites, by inking her scalp with a map of Middle Earth?
All The Juiciest, Grossest Gossip She’s Learned From Her Years
As an actress since childhood, girlfriend has got to know some serious dirt on all sorts of celebs. Why not put down the indelible truth in a location where she can easily access it? For a fine-haired lady like Kristen, it might even have a special bonus: we all know that the secret to a full head of hair is having it be full of secrets.
A Tell-all Narrative Detailing The Truth Of Her Relationship With Robert Pattinson
And speaking of secrets: Kristen has always gotten a kick out of being closemouthed and vague about her love life, and watching the media fall all over themselves whenever she divulges even the tiniest detail. For a girl who loves to toy with the gossip hounds, letting it slip that the true story of her oft-rumored romance with R-Pattz was hidden under her hair would be perfectly in keeping. The only downside: given this kind of incentive, it would only be a matter of time before some ambitious paparazzo tried to give the starlet a guerilla buzz cut in a desperate attempt to get the scoop.
The Face of Lord Voldemort
Okay, so a “Harry Potter” homage isn’t exactly Kristen-specific… Although she did share Oscar presenting duties last year with franchise star Daniel Radcliffe, so we could reasonably make a case for a connection. But somebody has to do this, dammit, and if it could be K-Stew, all the better.
A Map Of Her Brain… With A Chantilly Lace Overlay
Kristen has never met a sheer style she didn’t love, to the point where it’s become one of her signature red carpet looks. With so much love for the see-through side of things, the illusion of a fashionably semi-transparent cranium has to be appealing.
The One Snarky Comment So Shocking And Incendiary That She’ll Never Say It Out Loud
Though she’s no stranger to putting her foot in her mouth when it comes to offbeat statements in interviews, you just know that Kristen hasn’t said even close to the worst thing on her mind. Much like a fairytale heroine whispering her secrets into a seashell and letting it be carried away by the tide, Kristen could unburden herself via a hidden tattoo that nobody would ever see… Until decades later, when a thoroughly jaded K-Stew drops the mic on her career by shaving her head to reveal the words, “I want to set you all on fire.”