Have you heard of Distorted Polar Vortex? Nope, it’s not some hot new “indie” band out of Brooklyn that merges polka and loop pedals, it’s basically the reason why we’re all so freaking frigid right now.
According to CNN’s senior meteorologist Brandon Miller, residents across the U.S. are currently huddling under all of the blankets due to the wrath of old DPV, which he describes as “circulation of strong, upper-level winds that normally surround the northern pole in a counterclockwise direction — a polar low-pressure system. These winds tend to keep the bitter cold air locked in the Arctic regions of the Northern Hemisphere. It is not a single storm. On occasion, this vortex can become distorted and dip much farther south than you would normally find it, allowing cold air to spill southward.”
Yup, so basically Santa gave us all an extra special present this year — the present of more time with friends and family because it’s just too painful to go outside.
While you’re waiting for the thaw, MTV News has compiled a list of weather-appropriate tunes to spin as you watch your fingers turn blue. We hear that dancing keeps the frostbite away.
1. “Coldest Winter,” Kanye West: Go out and make some memories in this coldest winter — if you dare.
2. “Hot N Cold,” Katy Perry: You change your mind like a girl changes clothes, weather!
3. “You’re So Cold,” Mariah Carey: I don’t know why I let you treat me the way you do, DPV.
4. “When A Fire Starts To Burn,” Disclosure: We will be right there — warming our damn hands on it.
5. “Numb,” Rihanna, Eminem: Forget “going numb,” we’re already there, Ri!
6. “Break The Ice,” Britney Spears: “We can up turn the heat if you wanna” — we do wanna, Brit. We do.
7. “Frozen,” Madonna: Our hearts are open, Madge! Now warm ‘em up!
8. “Numb,” Linkin Park: Can’t you see that you’re smothering me, winter?
9. “6 Degrees,” Audiofly: Six degrees below zero is more like it.
10. “Frozen Heart,” Cast of “Frozen”: Obligatory.
11). “So Cold,” Chris Brown: It’s so cold here — with and without her.
12. “Ice Ice Baby,” Vanilla Ice: We wish all this ice were vanilla-flavored.
13. “Ice Cold,” Rick Ross, Omarion: In this case, we don’t think even Rozay is down with ice.
14. “Ice Dogs,” Man Man: Man, man! We’re cold, cold.
15. “No Seasons,” Jacuzzi Boys: Seasons come and seasons fall. Can this one fall already?
16. “Creep In A T-Shirt,” Portugal. The Man: Don’t be one.
17. “Actual Pain,” Mrs. Magician: This is what we feel when we go outside today.