But clearly there was room left, because in the first 24 hours since the latest viral insta-hit form PMW Live (formerly known as Ark Music Factory) was posted on YouTube, more than one million people have shared singer Alison Gold’s hunger for “Chinese Food.”
The fried rice-honoring tune, which Time magazine has instantly labeled the “worst song of the year,” (putting it a step below Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” which was dubbed by some the “worst song ever”) is another classic bare-bones production from the man behind both hits, songwriter/rapper Patrice Wilson.
With five times as many dislikes (23,646) as likes (5,475) at press time to go along with its nearly 1.5 million views, “Food” ups the usual absurdity angle of Wilson productions to 11 by including subtitles in constantly shifting languages, creepy grown man/young girl pillow fights, shout outs to Panda Express and an intense attachment to “chow-m-m-m-m mein.”
In case you haven’t gotten the craving yet, here are the five weirdest moments from “Chinese Food”:
Double Rainbow Of Noodles
The first face you see in “Food” is not Gold’s, but an anonymous chef flipping noodles and speaking in Mandarin while conjuring up a rainbow of awesomeness that turns into Gold. Though only 13, Gold informs us that “After balling, I go clubbing/Then I’m hugging, then I’m hungry.” Wait, what 13 year old can get into clubs?
Lyrics, They’re Just Like Real Life!
As Gold walks down the street and gets grumpy, she, you guessed it, sings about how she’s, “Walking down the street/And I’m getting, getting, getting grumpy,” before knocking over a garbage can.
Making It Rain, With Chow-M-M-M-M-Mein
Having established that she is a baller who loves to go clubbing (her fake ID must be off the chain!), Gold then proves her hood cred by making it rain at her favorite local Asian food establishment, a strip-mall outlet cleverly named “Chinese Food.” Happily singing about her love for fried rice and noodles, Gold saves her biggest props for every shot caller’s favorite: Chow Mein. In fact, she makes it rain, peeling off some air benjamins while singing “I love chow-m-m-m-m-mein.”
We’ve never been to a gentleman’s club, and we hope she hasn’t either — since she doesn’t even appear to have all her grown-up teeth — but from what we understand exotic dancers are not into being showered with sticky brown noodles in place of cash. And not for nothing, but the seemingly 11-year-old cashier is punching up Gold’s order with two hands like she’s playing a Daft Punk song on those cash register keys.
Get That Panda Out Of Here, Pronto
After trying to eat wonton soup with chop sticks, Gold opens a fortune cookie that says, “You will find a new friend.” The man-sized plushie panda bear in the corner of the restaurant gets the same fortune and soon the pair are off skipping hand-in-hand in a field rolling around on the ground together and tickling each other. Seriously, where are this girl’s parents? Turns out the panda is none other than “Friday” and “Thanksgiving” producer Wilson, who is, again, inexplicably, invited over to Gold’s house for a pajama party with her friends.
Oriental Avenue, Really?
We were going to let Wilson’s borderline sketchy rapping “accent” slide for a minute when he rhymes, “Get me broccoli/While I play Monopoly.” But when he buys … yes, Oriental Avenue, well … Don’t get us started about the bit when he rubs sweet and sour sauce on his lips or the pillow fight between Wilson and the girls. (Love the Pillow Pets plug, though.)