Jennifer Lawrence beat Meryl Streep, and Hugh Jackman beat the flu. Jessica Chastain honored her dreams, and Daniel Day-Lewis (alias E.T.) honored the queen. Those are the headlines of the Best Actor and Actress winners at the 2013 Golden Globes, but our words can only do so much justice — let's let the winners speak for themselves in their very own hilarious and heartfelt words.
Here are the highlights from the Best Actor and Actress winners' acceptance speeches.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy — Jennifer Lawrence ("Silver Linings Playbook")
Reading The Award's Fine Print: "What does this say? 'I Beat Meryl!'"
Obligatory Harvey Weinstein Shout-Out: "Harvey, thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today."
Obvious Statement Alert: "To the entire cast of this movie: you guys are the heartbeat of this film. It wouldn't be the same without you guys ... because then there wouldn't be a cast."
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy — Hugh Jackman ("Les Miserables")
Sickest Confession: "Sorry, I'm on the tail end of this flu. I was kicking myself for not getting this flu shot but it appears that I don't need one. I feel great!"
Generosity In A Nut-Shell: "I just have to say, to the guy or girl who stole the wheels off my bike while I was auditioning for 'Les Miserables,' we're all good. We're good. Keep 'em. In fact, I'm going to put the frame in the exact same spot. Take it on Monday morning."
Loveliest Love Letter, Part One: "Three weeks before we started filming, we had a terrible day of rehearsal. A humiliating day. I came home to [my wife] and said, 'It's time. I have to call [director Tom Hooper] and withdraw.' I really thought I had bitten off more than I could chew. My wife talked me off of that cliff, like she talks me off on most days. Baby, I'm going to say it now in front of the entire world: thank you for always being right."
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama — Jessica Chastain ("Zero Dark Thirty")
Dreams Come True: "I've wanted to be an actor since I was a little girl. I worked for a really long time. I've auditioned, struggled, fought and been on the side lines for years — and to be here now, in this moment? It's a beautiful feeling to receive this encouragement and support."
Why Kathryn Bigelow Rules: "I can't help but compare my character of Maya to you: two powerful, fearless women who allow their expert work to stand before them. You have said that filmmaking for you is not about breaking gender roles, but when you make a film that allows your character to disobey the conventions of Hollywood, then you've done more for women in cinema than you take credit for."
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama — Daniel Day-Lewis ("Lincoln")
Best Bill Clinton Shout-Out: "Are you sure there's room for another ex-President on this stage?"
Best Bill Clinton Shout-Out Follow-Up: "If you thought that was showing off, Her Majesty, the Queen of England, is going to parachute down in a couple of minutes to make a last-minute pitch for 'Skyfall.'"
Loveliest Love Letter, Part Two: "When I go to work, [my wife] opens a window for me and I jump out into the night to hunt and scavenge. At the end of it, I come back with whatever it is, and drop it like a mouse at her feet; I hope so much she'll think I've done a good thing."