'Glee'-Cap: Feels Like 'The First Time'

Two couples — Rachel and Finn and Kurt and Blaine — take it to the next level on latest episode.

Sex was all up in "Glee" on Tuesday night, as two couples took things to the next level in an episode appropriately titled "The First Time."

The coitus will surely complicate Finn and Rachel's situation, while it brought Kurt and Blaine closer than ever. For the second week in a row, "Glee" introduced a new character. This one's named Sebastian, played by Grant Gustin, an aggressive new Warbler with one mission: Snatch Blaine away from Kurt.

Yes, Karofsky returned for a brief scene in a gay bar, and yes, Coach Bieste now has a love interest, and yes, Mike Chang's dad cut him off for performing "West Side Story" with his castmates. But let's face it: All anyone's talking about is the dirty deed.

So take a gander at my latest musical "Glee"-Cap. It's waiting for you in all its Hype Williams-inspired glory in the embedded video player above. Sing along if you feel like it!

Light a Duraflame, baby

Silence your phone

They're gonna do it, maybe

While their parents aren't home

Takin' it slow so far

Just a magical kiss

Blaine is horny in a car

So drunk at the gay bar

And Kurt's all, "You ain't gettin' this, no"

Now's not the time

Kurt is losing his mind

(Kurt's losing his mind!)

Jealous of a new guy in town

(He's a slut. And a pig. And a slut pig)

Sebastian's his name

Stealing men is his game

But Blaine's devoted

Now Kurt, he knows it

So Klainers put your hands in the air for ...

Soft-focus sexin'

All up on my TV screen

Soft-focus sexin'

It's tame 'cause conservatives will scream

Soft-focus sexin'

If you want grinding watch "Queer as Folk"

Soft-focus sexin'

You'd think at least we'd get one tiny grope, nope

Rachel wants to do the nasty

To prepare for a role

Her motives make Finn antsy

So he decides to withhold

Cooter the Recruiter tells Finn

"You're not the best"

But it gets him in the mood for

Some pity sex

Soft-focus sexin'

The straight couple makes out on a bed yet ...

Soft-focus sexin'

... The gay guys just lay there instead

Soft-focus sexin'

You can have sex while wearing clothes?!

Soft-focus sexin'

We're still dealing in prime time

So no cigars, just close


[Spoken outro]

I know there are some heartbroken

Klainers out there

Who wanted some bump 'n' grind (Bump 'n' grind!)

But we have to wait for our nation to be more accepting

Just give it time (Give it time!)

Soft-focus sexin'

It's better than nothin', I guess

Soft-focus sexin'

I mean, holy crap — they had sex!

What did you think of this week's episode? Let us know in the comments!