Halloween is just around the corner, and even though times are tough, that doesn't mean you shouldn't still have a kick-ass costume. And since no one wants to end up trick or treating as a lame ghost (or a "sexy border patrol agent"), I'm here to help, with a handful of homemade Halloween costumes that allow you to still dress up as your favorite artist, while not breaking the bank.
Of course, if you don't have a bank to break, fret not, because a lot of my ideas don't require a costume at all — just your imagination, a fierce attitude and an awareness of irony that borders on, well, ironic. So, if you're at a loss for your next costume — or too broke to care — read on, because, boy, do I have some suggestions for you. After all, Halloween is for everyone (especially those who love candy), and who among us doesn't want to dress up like Coldplay?!? Have a look, and send me some candy!
Adele: Deceptively easy. Refrain from speaking to anyone all night (vocal rest!) while firing through Marlboros like a mahjong player on a bender. For added authenticity, sell approximately one bazillion albums.
Beyoncé: Take a balloon and stuff it beneath your $10,000 Reed Krakoff dress, mimic B's matronly glow with a $7,000 HD Ruby and Diamond Peel Facial, strap your $1,200 Christian Louboutin heels on extra tight to replicate the ankle-swelling side effects of pregnancy. Or just down a crate of Four Loko and get all crazy like the "Ring the Alarm" video.
Britney Spears: Get a boyfriend with exactly 24 rippling abdominal muscles. Consume Strawberry Frappuccinos as if they were being discontinued. Be a commercially viable force, much to the consternation of critics and naysayers the world over. Say "y'all" a lot.
Coldplay: Dress in matching, finger-painted outfits with three of your closest friends (or, in a pinch, tattered French Revolutionary garb). Donate all your candy to Oxfam. Hang out with Brian Eno. Maintain an almost annoying level of self-efficacy.
Justin Bieber: Just get a snake named Johnson.
Kanye West: Communicate to every single person you meet as if you were speaking in ALL CAPS. Wear sunglasses, even at night. Have a bizarre thing for the Olsen twins. Over-share when it comes to your personal feelings and sexual proclivities. Create complex, Machiavellian conspiracy theories. Treat every comment and criticism as if it were a flaming sword to the torso. Cut a Maybach in half with your pal Jay-Z.
Katy Perry: Dress up as a mermaid. Or a gawky, orthodontically enhanced pre-teen. Or an S&M cheetah. Or a space alien. Or, really, you could just lick a bunch of candy and stick it to various parts of your body. Katy's simple.
Lady Gaga: Sure, you could go the easy route and just trick or treat as Jo Calderone (and deliver a lengthy monologue while doing so), but where's the fun in that? Instead, why not meld yourself with a motorcycle, like the cover of Born This Way, or mimic her eternally moving beauty mark with a piece of double-sided tape?
Lil Wayne: Nicki may have already beaten you to the punch, but that's only because a Weezy costume is pretty easy to pull off: Just sag a pair of jeggings, draw all over your face and chest with a Sharpie, glue some diamonds to your teeth and twist your hair until it eventually transforms itself into a truly impressive mane of dreadlocks. Also, carry around a guitar, for display purposes only.
Rihanna: Go trick or treating with a British boxer-turned-model, make a drug-fueled music video with him. Note: May not get you a ton of candy on the farms of Northern Ireland.
Got a low-budget Halloween costume idea? Let us know in the comments below!