Britney Spears Unveils Her Circus Stimulus Package

Brit's spectacular show steamrolls over the haters, and even converts a few, in Bigger Than the Sound.

[artist id="501686"]Britney Spears[/artist] should probably be president at this point. She knows how to get things done.

This was more than evident on Tuesday night at the New Orleans Arena, when Britney pulled back the flaps on her Circus tour , a two-hour spectacle of lights and sounds (and more lights and sounds), a dizzying mélange of epic dance numbers, bare midriffs, flames, wayward acrobatics, burlesque tassles, floating furniture and very little actual singing. Not as if that last part mattered.

In fact, we could probably debate for hours about whether or not Britney actually sang a note during her show (and I’m sure we will in the comments below), but suffice it to say it didn’t look like she did. At one point, she was placed in a box and sawed in half by that dude who used to be on “Saved by the Bell,” and her vocals didn’t even waver a note, surely a first in the world of performing — and, to be honest, it was almost better that way. To debate such a minor detail as singing would be missing the entire point of the evening. And of Britney Spears.

Because for 120 amazing minutes on Tuesday, Britney positively killed it. She was in her element, holding the squealing masses in the palm of her hand, and she did not let up until the bitter end, when she was dressed as a sexy cop and bathed in a shower of sparks. Say what you want about her — and there’s certainly plenty to say — but you can never again argue that she does not put on a total and complete show. Not after Circus, at least.

This was Spears facing up to her detractors. This was her doing things the way she wanted: Singing be damned, let’s dance. If Britney Spears fans couldn’t care less about hearing her sing and would rather see her look amazing and dance all nasty, well, then the Circus tour is for Britney fans, and no one else. President Obama should take notes.

Because Circus is Britney’s stimulus package. I didn’t realize this until hours after the show, as I sat in my hotel room watching CNN, but it makes sense. It’s a metaphor that works on many levels (her outfits got a rise out of many, to say the least), but let’s focus on just one: It’s her bit of necessary evil, a somewhat troubling bit of musical legislation that, had she gone any other way but her own, had she listened to the naysayers, certainly wouldn’t have worked. Where Obama made concessions to Republicans (tax cuts) to get his package passed, Britney steamrolled over the haters and just did things her way. There are no tax cuts on this tour, just lots of dancing and a few martial-arts sequences. And that’s why Britney’s stimulus package will succeed, while Obama’s isn’t looking so hot right now.

And while that seems like a long — not to mention incredibly over-generalizing — way to go to make a relatively insane point (since when has that stopped me in the past?), allow me to continue onward for just a few more paragraphs. See, before I flew to New Orleans on Tuesday, I was sort of like the Bobby Jindal to Britney’s package. I was ardently opposed to practically everything she had ever done. I thought she was short-sighted and somewhat irresponsible and would saddle our future generations with debt beyond their wildest contemplation. Now, after seeing her strut and sweat her way across the stage for two hours, after realizing just how brave the Circus is, I am completely changed. I am a supporter. I think it will work. At the very least, I will definitely accept funds from it.

And you should too — not just because free money is good money. Trust me, it’s not too late to jump on the Britney train. No one in the press box at the New Orleans Arena had made the leap yet, and there are millions out there just like them. Maybe you are one of them. I know I was. In tough times, we need decisive leaders, capable of taking action and making tough decisions. We need someone who is willing to go out on a limb, to shoulder the responsibility for ourselves and our future generations.

We need Britney Spears.