Salma's Birthday Suit, Nic's Bear Suit: Memorable Movie Moments Of 2006
With 2006 headed into the history books, awards shows and critics are once again feeling the need to list the best actors, actresses, movies and short-subject documentary foreign films of the year.
Well, after sitting through most of the several hundred movies that came out this past year, we know there's a lot more worth remembering. Below, we present the Other Awards for 2006, a list of the beautiful, bizarre and downright baffling movie moments we'll never forget.
» "Most Bizarre Scene to Catch Out of Context" Award -- The final reel of "Wicker Man," which features Nicolas Cage dressed in a bear suit and punching women in the face.
» "Best Dis of a Historical Figure" Award -- Ryan Merriman in "Final Destination 3." Fearing a man dressed up as a Founding Father and setting up a potentially fatal fireworks display, Merriman yells, "F--- you, Ben Franklin!"
» "Biggest 'Final Destination 3' Rip-Off" Award -- "Black Christmas." The horror movie was also written by "FD3" writer Glen Morgan, who went back to the familiar well when Kristen Cloke was startled by a seasonal mannequin and screamed, "F--- you, Santa Claus!"
» "Lamest Special Effect" Award -- The bargain-basement-cheap plane crash in "Pulse."
» "Best Non-Ricky Bobby, Non-Borat Ad Lib of the Year" Award -- "Thank You for Smoking" star William H. Macy: "The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!"
» "Worst Decision by a Director" Bronze Medal -- Martin Scorsese, who'll probably win an Oscar for "The Departed" but still couldn't resist a moment of overly literal symbolism by showing an actual rat in the final shot of his police-corruption drama.
» "Worst Decision by a Director" Silver Medal -- Brett Ratner, for allowing Magneto to move the chess piece in "X-Men: The Last Stand."
» "Worst Decision by a Director" Gold Medal -- Sofia Coppola, who made a 123-minute film called "Marie Antoinette" in which a guillotine was never once seen, used or even mentioned.
» "Best Two Minutes and 54 Seconds of Any Movie This Year" Award (Men) -- "Ask the Dust" 33:23-36:18, in which Salma Hayek strips down to her birthday suit and frolics in the ocean.
» "Best Two Seconds of Any Movie This Year" Award (Women) -- Also in "Ask the Dust," when Colin Farrell's little Colin is briefly glimpsed in a full-frontal shot from 33:52-33:54.
» "Biggest Stretch" Award -- Jennifer Aniston as a penniless, stoner housekeeper who can't land a man in "Friends With Money."
» "Worst Studio Decision of the Year" Award -- Warner Bros., for making "The Lake House" and touting the long-awaited reunion of Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock -- but not putting them together for virtually the whole movie.
» "Over-the-Top Movie Ad Propaganda" Award -- The trailer for "Charlotte's Web," which referred to its source material as "The most beloved story of all time."
» "Best Film of the Year that You'll Never See" Award -- The Michael Rapaport flick "Special," a "Jackass"-meets-"Superman" movie that vanished after its buzzed-about Sundance debut.
» "What Movie Did I Just Walk Into?" Award -- Scorsese's latest, which doesn't flash its "The Departed" title card until 18 minutes and 28 seconds into the movie!
» "Best Single-Word Catchphrase of the Year" Award -- Borat's "Not!"
» "Dumbest Scene of 2006" Award -- Jason Statham, hoping to keep his adrenaline up, borderline-raping Amy Smart on a public sidewalk while dozens of onlookers oohed and aahed with appreciation in "Crank."
» "Worst Hair" Award -- Jamie Foxx in "Dreamgirls."
» "Best Dance" Award -- Tiny Abigail Breslin, superfreaking her way into our hearts at the end of "Little Miss Sunshine."
» "Best Song" Award -- John Michael Higgins belting out the cheesy Yes tune "Owner of a Lonely Heart" in Vince Vaughn's face in "The Break Up."
» "Greatest Single Scene of 2006" Award -- The Pale Man sequence in "Pan's Labyrinth."
» "Most Random Sighting of a Former Child Star" Award -- A blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo from Jaleel White (a.k.a. Steve Urkel) in "Dreamgirls."
» "Toupee or Not Toupee?" Award -- Vin Diesel in "Find Me Guilty." We're guessing toupee.
» "Lamest Sight Gag of the Year" Award -- A lizard laughing at Matthew McConaughey after he falls from a cliff in "Failure to Launch." Who knew reptiles had such complex emotions?
» "Did I Just See That?" Award -- In the movie "Aquamarine," a member of Arielle Kebbel's barely speaking mean-girl posse (the one who rides in the backseat) is replaced by a different actress halfway through the movie.
» "Most Missed Movie Moment" Award -- Thanks, Michael Mann, for not even letting us hear the "Miami Vice" theme song after paying $10 to see a movie called "Miami Vice."
» "Grossest Death of the Year" Award -- The guy in the classroom in "Saw III."
» "Grossest Life of the Year" Award -- Steve-O in "Jackass: Number Two" for attaching a leech to his eyeball, letting someone fart in his face repeatedly, pushing a fishing hook through his cheek -- and too many other things we can't mention here.
» "Newest Movie Trend" Award -- Showing actors at the end of a biopic frolicking with the actual person they've just portrayed ("Running With Scissors," "Catch a Fire," "The Queen" -- OK, just kidding with that last one).
» "Single Worst Line of Dialogue Delivered in 2006" Award -- For the warlocks-gone-wild clunker "The Covenant," actor Sebastian Stan had to deliver this threat to another magical being: "I'm going to make you my wee-yotch!"
» "Worst Movie Prop" Award -- Ryan Gosling's calculator watch in "Half Nelson," which had moviegoers wondering if the film was set during the '80s.
» "Most Unlikely Comeback" Award -- Former "Bad News Bears" child star Jackie Earle Haley, resurfacing and earning Oscar talk as a creepy child molester in "Little Children."
» "Sign That Hollywood Is Making Too Many Animated Movies" Award -- The cartoon flicks "Hoodwinked" and "Over the Hedge" both used the same ending: An already-hyper squirrel must consume a highly caffeinated beverage in order to move faster than all the characters around him and save the day.
» "Tastiest Movie Treat of the Year" Award -- Johnny Depp turning himself into a giant shish kebab in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."
» "Best Performance by a Dead Guy" Award -- Marlon Brando in "Superman Returns."
» "Funniest Sight Gag of the Year" Award -- The VW Beetles in "Cars" shown as actual flying beetles.
» "Best Lead Performance Everyone Thought Was a Supporting Performance" Award -- Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls."
» "Most Headache-Inducing Movie of the Year" Award -- "Déjà Vu," whose plot even star Denzel Washington didn't seem to understand during interviews.
» "Most Underrated Action Sequence" Award -- The slick, well-orchestrated shoot-out scene in "Idlewild."
» "Worst Actor Choice of the Year" Award (tie) -- Russell Crowe for "A Good Year" and Sean Penn for "All the King's Men."
» "Scene We Never Thought We'd See" Award -- Ben Affleck playing guitar and singing a sappy song en Español in "Hollywoodland."
» "We Knew 'Hostel.' We Watched 'Hostel.' 'Hostel' Was a Friend of Ours. Sir, You're No 'Hostel' " Award -- "Turistas."
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