Okay, this is scary. Yes, '90s martial-arts doughboy Steven Seagal is back, in a new and somewhat terrifying guise: electric bluesman. No joke! He even has a band called Thunderbox, and they're kicking off a three-week headlining tour on June 6, at the Fillmore in San Francisco, in support of Steve's new album, Mojo Priest.

Can this man be serious? Apparently, yes. And he's not alone. Seagal's first album, 2004's Songs from the Crystal Cave, may have been an over-produced sub-rock, sorta-reggae train wreck, infested with backup chicks and really bad lyrics, but it nevertheless featured guest appearances by Lady Saw and Stevie Wonder. It's hard for me to imagine opinions being divided about this record, but a quick click onto Amazon.com shows that they are. The man definitely has his detractors ("a comic genius," "Giving hope to the morbidly obese"). However, defying human belief, and almost certainly the will of God, there are also actual fans ("awesome," "way bigger than Hasselhoff").

But what about the new album, the blues opus? Well, judging by the track list, it's sprinkled with the sort of cliché covers you'd expect (Muddy Waters' "Hoochie Coochie Man," Elmore James' "Dust My Broom"), plus what sounds like a side-trip into minstrelsy with something called "She Dat Pretty." Most interesting of all, though, I'm guessing, is track nine. Track nine is called "Talk to My Ass."

You first.

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