Courtney Love Discusses Last Happy Day With Cobain In Memoir

A preview includes poetry, journal entries, lyrics, never-seen photos.

Love or hate her, Courtney Love never fails to fascinate. And just a glimpse of what will be in her forthcoming book will surely be enough to get her fans and detractors talking.

In a four-page preview of the singer's 288-page "impromptu memoir," which was researched and edited by Ava Stander, it appears "Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love" will contain letters, childhood records, poetry, journal entries, song lyrics, fan 'zines, show fliers and never-before-seen photographs, including shots of her late husband Kurt Cobain and their daughter, Frances Bean (see "Courtney Love Promises To Tell All In Proposed 'Love Diaries' ").

Notes are written next to and over the memorabilia, such as this thought: "There is no such thing as girl love, because all cool girls are competitive c---s, which is worth loving in itself, so it's okay. Just don't pretend it's otherwise! Celebrate the reality!"

Other notes are less-than-celebratory, such as her realization that she is "a public figure unhappy with my share of the American dream. There can only be one reason for this. I am on drugs, and have the morals and mentality of a cartoon character. What did I want after all??" This is written next to a 1976 rejection letter from the New Mickey Mouse Club for "Coco Rodriguez" — a name she may have adopted while living with stepdad Frank Rodriguez. Since the show was looking for "youngsters who have exceptional singing, dancing, or musical ability, with a marked degree of performance experience," they told her she did not qualify, and as a consolation prize, gave her a picture of Mickey Mouse.

Over time, she found other ways to "perform." A 1979 report from Hillcrest School documents Love as screaming and swearing about bugs. "Refused to be reasonable," reads the report. "She became louder and more insistent." Pictures of Love as a youth paint her as wide-eyed and innocent at first and later as a withdrawn punkette.

Love also reveals matters closer to her heart with the entries about her late husband's suicide, such as a note written soon afterward reminiscing about happier days. On April 17, 1994, she wrote, "Exactly one month ago today was the last time I made love with my husband. I cooked him dinner. We spent four hours in the playroom with Frances. We saw 'Schindler's List.' It made us frightened for life and we saw the value of life. Our convictions we defined until 4 a.m. and we fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up that way in the morning."

Although she hates to admit it to herself, she writes, "Rome was a huge cover-up," meaning that Cobain's Rohypnol-and-champagne overdose on March 4, 1994, was actually a suicide attempt. "I see it now. I just didn't want to see it then. Last night, I re-read the note he left in Rome. It's so obviously a suicide note, so f---ing obvious."

Without explanation, the book also includes an apology note addressed to both her husband and daughter, written on letterhead from the Sunset Marquis hotel in West Hollywood, California: "I love you. Please forgive me. ... You are both too beautiful for me. I love you forever." ("Sunset Marquis," incidentally, is the name of one of the songs intended for her new album.) The two writings, positioned near photos of her curled up next to Cobain and of him kissing a baby Frances, prompts a newer note, scrawled across both pages in red ink: "I can't grow a new heart."

"Here is a unique visual look into a world that is never captured," Love's literary agent David Vigliano said. "It's a one-of-a-kind memoir of an extraordinary life lived by a unique artist."

Love plans to do a book tour in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle and New York when the book comes out in November.