Tuesday. . .It was looking bleak, they were late. I was frantically pulling out my hair. But at last they showed up, gobbled our cold pizza and Bud Lite, and kicked it to me about just how hardcore the Bay area rap scene can be.

(UnclSonic) Hello?

(SONIC) Hello. Knock, knock!

(UnclSonic) Yeah?

(SONIC) You there?

(UnclSonic) Totally.

(UnclSonic) Where are the boys in the band?

(SonicBabe) PHARCYDE AND SOULS OF MISCHIEF HAVE ARRIVED.

(Pharcyde) Yo: Who in the hell is out there? This is Slimkid.

(betty) What up, Slimkid?

(Pharcyde) Nothing much.

(SOULS) Whats up? This is Phesto from the Souls of Mischief, the rest of the guys are on their way.

(betty) Is this the first time you've been "on line"?

(SOULS) We've been on line a couple of times.

(Pharcyde) Is betty the only girl there?

(SonicBabe) So Pharcyde, I saw the show last night and it was pretty phat, although I expected more from Skee- Lo.

(SOULS) BUD LIGHTS SUCK

(SonicBabe) Sorry about the Bud, we have 25 cases left from a party.

(Pharcyde) How about Cisco?

(SonicBabe) Cisco tastes like lead.

(Demo) What's Cisco? Am I out of it?

(SonicBabe) Liquid crack.

(Pharcyde) Cisco is the best of liquid crack.

(betty) Are any of you guys trying to do music in multimedia, like Dr. Dre's CD ROM?

(Pharcyde) Yes, if there is money in it.

(Yo) Are you guys smoking pot?

(Pharcyde) I quit smoking.

(Yo) Quit pot?

(SonicBabe) Pharcyde, why did you quit?

(Pharcyde) I quit to save money.

(Astro) Who's in the house?

(Pharcyde) Hi Astro, I'm Elroy.

(SonicBabe) Elroy, Where's Judy?

(Pharcyde) Judy is in my pants.

(loungeliz) She's under the table over here.

(betty) Damn, fellas.

(Demo) What do you think of DC flavor -- like EU, or Rare Essence?

(Astro) EU is da shit.

(Pharcyde) 'E' who?

(Astro) Pharcyde, ever seen a grown man naked?

(betty) Did any of you all go to the Million Man March?

(Pharcyde) YES.

(Pharcyde) Have you ever seen a cat with its ass turned inside out?

(betty) No.

(Pharcyde) Me neither, but I have a cat.

(betty) You have a kitty cat?

(Pharcyde) I have a titty tat.

(betty) Naughty. How was Tramps?

(Pharcyde) GREAT.

(loungeliz) Tramps was live, but it didn't live up to its name.

(SOULS) I LOVE TRAMPS!

(loungeliz) Yo -- is that some kind of joke?

(Pharcyde) I LOVE U!

(betty) Who boo?

(Pharcyde) Boo hoo.

(SonicBabe) All kinds of Tramps or just the venue?

(betty) SonicBabe: wake up, girl.

(Pharcyde) NO YOKE.

(SonicBabe) There are mad tramps on the West Side Highway.

(SOULS) I'm really picky about my tramps.

(SonicBabe) Really?

(Pharcyde) Me too.

(SonicBabe) How big do you like the titties?

(Pharcyde) DDDDDDDDDDDDD ...

(loungeliz) I like them concealable in clothes.

(Pharcyde) Right then I was just kidding. I like DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

(SOULS) I like them strong enough to start an engine.

(SonicBabe) So, do you like it RAW, like ODB?

(Pharcyde) Cook it.

(betty) It's a man's world ...

(Yo) -- And you're in it.

(betty) No shit.

(SonicBabe) Most boys are bitches.

(Yo) Bastards, boys are bastards.

(SOULS) True indeed.

(Pharcyde) Thank you.

(SonicBabe) Do you consider yourselves bitches?

(SOULS) No maam! Do you?

(SonicBabe) So do you guys watch porn? Don't be shy. Pharcyde?

(Pharcyde) Yes ... to an extent.

(SonicBabe) Whats up Pharcyde?

(Pharcyde) This dick.

(SonicBabe) Yuck!

(Pharcyde) Just kidding!

(SOULS) Lets get really graphic for all you xxx lovers, okay?

(Yo) So how big is 'it'? Keep in mind that 5&3/4 is average.

(loungeliz) 5&3/4 is average?!

(Pharcyde) NOPE.

(loungeliz) Yeah, but the "only so many" still is not representative of society.

(betty) Any suggestions for change?

(Pharcyde) No.

(Yo) So I hear its average.

(loungeliz) See, that's what I mean by not representative of society, only a "small" few.

(SonicBabe) I guess that you haven't met many grrrrls on tour have you, PHARCYDE?

(Pharcyde) No, I haven't. Blue balls, you see.

(loungeliz) Neon blue with gold flakes?

(SOULS) Stop lying, Pharcyde.

(SonicBabe) You seem very sexually repressed.

(Pharcyde) True.

(Pharcyde) Is your mom ... ?

(SonicBabe) -- Is my mom what?

(Pharcyde) --Still a dad?

(loungeliz) --Available?

(SonicBabe) No, my mom is my mom: she has mad orifices in her body.

(SOULS) Excuse me while I shape shift into a huge New York City rat.

(SonicBabe) Are you a Transformer, Souls, or a Wonder Twin?

(SOULS) I'm more like a metamorphisizer.

(betty) Souls, have you released an album since '93 til Infinity' ?

(SOULS) 'No Mans Land, ' on Jive Records.

(Pharcyde) November 14th: the album.

(betty) Pharcyde--what's your sign?

(Pharcyde) Libra. You?

(betty) Sagittarius.

(Pharcyde) I like you, Sagittarius.

(betty) Wanna play later?

(Pharcyde) Yes.

(betty) My sandbox or yours?

(Demo) Betty, play nice!

(Pharcyde) 1 212 883 ...

(Yo) So, what are the last 4 digits?

(Pharcyde) Damn! I forgot the rest!

(Yo) Awwww ...

(sheesh) Back off, betty.

(loungeliz) Barney will find out.

(Pharcyde) I don't bite.

(betty) Barney's a 90s man.

(sheesh) What's that supposed to mean, betty?

(SOULS) Are there any more Bud Lights?

(SonicBabe) All the bud you want.

(betty) Get that man a beer!

(Pharcyde) Me too.

(betty) If there's no one in a room, is there a dot?

(SOULS) No, because you don't exist. This is all in my head.

(betty) I think Clinton's a pansy.

(Pharcyde) PUSSY.

(loungeliz) The president has no real power ...

(Pharcyde) -- What?

(loungeliz) I have it all!!

(SOULS) It's a part of the conspiracy to create a world government.

(Demo) World government? What do you mean?

(Pharcyde) Game over.

(Demo) No game.

(betty) Anarchy is no solution.

(Demo) Anarchy is poor.

(loungeliz) Anarchy sucks, but systematic oppression is worse.

(betty) Responsible government is the solution. Voting is the solution. Education is the solution.

(Demo) Go betty!

(SOULS) Well, I do have deep feelings regarding your statements, but it would take too much time to explain that here.

(SOULS) This government was conceived to use people to control the power they create.

(Demo) Do musicians have a responsibility to influence voter registration, and other topical issues facing young people?

(SOULS) The answer to that varies by the individual.

(loungeliz) Responsible people have a responsibility. It can't just be placed on pop icons, who may not even care.

(Pharcyde) So I'm saying bye bye.

(SOULS) Bye yall.