24 Sophia Petrillo Slams You Can Still Use Today
It's been 30 years since "The Golden Girls" came along and gave everyone legit goals for how to grow a little long-ish in the tooth and still be awesome AF. And though the four ladies each had her own fantastic quirks, none spoke straight from the meanest mindspace more freely than the Shady Pines-resistant Sophia Petrillo.
The tiny Sicilian native had plenty of "picture it, it's [insert year here]" stories from the old country to shell during her time kicking up heels as part of Miami's finest foursome, but she was really at her best when taking digs on whoever was around for the ribbing (usually Rose).
So, to thank her for being a friend, we gathered up two dozen of her best jabs that are still sharp and useful to this day. Enjoy this Sophia-centric smackdown, but be sure to take notes.
When you can't seem to get through to that one friend.
"I think there's a connection between your brain and wallpaper paste."
When you've checked out from the word 'go' and no one bothered to notice.
"Have I given you any indication that I care?"
When you want to expose the little green monster and make it sting.
"Jealousy is a very ugly thing and ... so are you in anything backless."
When that one person who means well, bless them, BUT [insert horrible, terrible decision of choice here].
"Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is."
When that frenemy gets all uppity about her great new apartment.
"Think about it. You live alone. No one likes you."
When you suspect an ulterior motive to all that parental wisdom.
"She lied to you so you'd finish high school."
When the one who has no chill without carbs is counting calories again.
"The last time you went on a diet, you turned into that guy from 'Silence of the Lambs.'"
When someone gets you mixed up with your biggest foe.
"If I start acting like her, pull the plug."
When somebody you know needs to get with the program already.
"Wake up and smell the coffee, you fossil."
When your mom can't find her photo album from your awkward phase to show the BF.
"And the world heaves a collective sigh of relief."
When your friend's "cool" mom tries to give you and your friends "the talk."
"Thank you, you bed-hopping relic."
When he's laying it on way too thick on the first date.
"You need boots to listen to this guy."
When the boyf and his pals roll into ladies' night "by accident."
"Coincidence my eye."
When you need a clever way to say good-bye to that suite mate who wrecked everything.
"You're moving. Too bad. This would be touching if I liked you more."
When ... just f--k it.
When the lights are on, but nobody's home.
"Go ahead. Stand up and say it. My name is Rose, and I am an idiot."
When your BFF's binged one too many shows in a row on Netflix and is starting to get a little loopy.
"Exactly how close to the television are you sitting when you're watching 'L.A. Law.'"
When you need a creative alternative for your four-letter word collection.
"Why don't you just blow it out your ditty bag."
When your talker friend needs to get to the point already.
"Get to the part where they steal the brain out of the dead body and sew it into your head."
When you need to take it all the way back to the exact moment of (mis)conception.
"You're here because the rhythm method was very popular in the [insert decade of birth]."
When your BF/GF decides to take up a new hobby and tells you allll about it.
"Boom! You've got a social life."
When you need your BFF to put away the rose-colored glasses already.
"The man is a scuzzball."
When you're looking for a classic zing.
"I hate you."
When you just don't have a mic to drop.