From selfie sticks to ice bucket videos, 2014 was a year of explosive trends, but perhaps none was as disturbing as the prevalence of birthday suits in horrifically inappropriate settings. For whatever reason, it seems like naked people were doing crazier s--t than normal this year. Behold, the worst examples of living au naturale that will have you clutching your pearls and rethinking that drunken dare to streak through the quad.
Naked teen allegedly takes bath salts, burns his parents' house down
Proving yet again that the only thing worse than bath salts is more bath salts, a former honor student stripped down before torching his parents' home, police say. He allegedly then went on to burglarize two other homes and attempted to set his car on fire, all while wearing nary a scarf, despite the fact that it was late November in Maine.
Nudist gets busted riding NYC subway, napping on park bench
After being called out for rubbing his raw buns on a crowded train seat, this man -- who apparently has a penchant for sensible footwear -- was spotted, looking admittedly more relaxed than most New Yorkers, on a busy street.
Naked guy crashes through airport bathroom ceiling, beats up 84-year-old man
Just...how? Why? What? all we can really seem to gather from this very bizarre account, which apparently left the suspect bloody after tumbling through the roof, is that someone has an even worse reaction to being stuck at the airport than we do.
Couple gets stuck together while having sex in the ocean
Just when you thought sex and the ocean were the two greatest things on earth, a couple in Italy proved that two rights can make a wrong. In a real-life reenactment of many of our worst nightmares, the couple reportedly got stuck together for hours. They have not made a statement about whether they will ever have sex again.
Stark naked stalker terrorizes Keanu Reeves
Next time you think being famous sounds awesome, consider the plight of poor Keanu Reeves, who got visited by two separate stalkers in the span of just a couple days, the second of whom allegedly arrived in the bare and treated herself to a shower and a skinny dip in the star's home. Not an excellent adventure.
Naked skier bottoms out big time
In the grand tradition of daredevils feeling pressure to outdo themselves, Australian extreme skier Sam Ruttiman attempted to up the ante by going down the slope "Full Monty." What he ended up landing was a cringeworthy moment that made us all appreciate our long johns just a little bit more.
Nude dude allegedly harshes the vibe at an Oregon hemp fest
Don't let that sweet smile fool you. 27-year-old Timothy Seaux was arrested for violently storming through an otherwise presumably chill event, police say, all while flashing his...er...joint.
Streaker pays the White House an unwelcome visit
While Americans are welcome to celebrate their freedom in many ways at the nation's capital, touring in the buff on Memorial Day weekend is not one of them. This man was taken in by White House security and later charged with assault and indecent exposure. Keep your Washington Monument in your pants.
Guy pranks girlfriend, winds up naked and trapped in washing machine
The joke was on an Australian man who decided to play a trick on his lady by emerging from their washing machine sans clothes, only to learn that he was, in fact, trapped inside. He reportedly had to be slathered in olive oil so he could get free. A claustrophobic nightmare, yes, but he was mostly upset that workers "wasted" his expensive olive oil.
Grandma in Florida films couple having sex on the beach
A senior citizen took a break from baking cookies to embrace her inner Peeping Tom. When a brazenly immodest couple had a sex-fest on a public beach near her house, she became concerned about her grandkids witnessing the coitus and decided to remedy the situation by filming the lovers. Makes sense. Kind of?
Naked woman in tree leads police to alleged meth dealer
A Texas couple had reportedly run out of meth, so they knocked on strangers' doors in search of their dealer. At some point, they removed their clothes and the woman climbed a tree. The couple told police that they were trying to text their supplier, at which point the cops urged them to "text him again." When the alleged dealer arrived, he was promptly arrested.
Police appreciated the couple's cooperation and let them go, but that's rare luck when you're caught naked in public. Seriously, kids, just say no to drugs.