8 Things Music Festivals Need To Ban, Now That They’re Banning Selfie Sticks
In a noble attempt to preserve all that is right and just in this chaotic world, both Coachella and Lollapalooza have banned selfie sticks from their 2015 festivals, apparently due to safety concerns. (Though Coachella specifies that neither "Selfie sticks / Narcissists" are welcome.)
But removing these smartphone poles from the equation doesn't eliminate plenty of other annoyances. The ruling cabal of concert planners can go further. Here are eight more things that should be banned at music festivals:
Native American-style headdresses
Can't believe we're still having this conversation.
Some festivals, like Coachella, already prohibit umbrellas, which we're guessing are more likely to cause an eye-poking accident than selfie sticks. An umbrella is not making a difference in festival rain conditions -- just ask the Brits.
True story: I once saw a mother tell her little girl to just pop a squat in the middle of the field at a festival. No doubt the girl was scarred for life, but also, you know, SO WAS I AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO SAW IT. One way or another, kids at music festivals are gonna lead to future trauma for someone.
In Ancient Greece, the flower crown honored the gods. Now, it honors the sale rack at H&M.
Horse Head Masks
Unless you're starring in a 2007 viral video, get out of my sight line, bruh.
iPads (or any other tablets)
This is like bringing a desktop computer to a college lecture.
Making the heart sign with your hands during a set
Nothing says "This is my first time on drugs, so stand next to me if you want to play human pinball and also hear me talk about 'vibrations'" like heart hands.
Going into the Porta Potty barefoot
These monsters are living among us, and they should be kicked out on sight -- specifically, carried away so their feet don't touch the ground.