"Ms. Peletier, you are an honest to goodness hero."
Truer words have never been spoken on "The Walking Dead," even if Carol's friendly neighbors didn't appreciate the full weight of the sentence at the time. But they would appreciate it shortly thereafter, assuming any of them survived.
In last night's episode, "JSS," Alexandria came under attack, nearly falling at the hands of a pack of Wolves. They survived, just barely, thanks to the efforts of a few individuals — especially Carol, the cookie-baking badass who basically singlehandedly took down Terminus, and has now basically singlehandedly defended Alexandria from a raid.
Whether it was her calm takedowns in the kitchen or her bloody brawls on the battlefield, Carol proved once again last night why she's the biggest badass on "Walking Dead." Here's the highlight reel:
When life hands you paprika…
…make paprika soup.
When Sharon complains about dry pasta…
…mock her indoor smoking habit and make her look foolish in front of all her friends. Cooking Carol is truly a monster.
If a little kid is bummed about his dead dad…
Don't comfort him with hugs or cookies. Heck, don't comfort him at all. Carol gives him the cold, hard truth: "Your dad used to hit you, and then he got himself killed. It happened. Now it's done. You live with it, or it eats you up. Go home."
Have you heard about Carol's spring cleaning casserole?
It's to die for.
Guess how long it takes for Carol to systematically wipe out a bunch of Wolves?
The same amount of time it takes for the spring cleaning casserole to finish cooking.
Carol spies with her little eye…
…the Wolves' killing rituals, which she'll later use to convincingly go incognito.
Carol goes for the sneak attack double tap.
Not enough to stab an enemy in the back. Need to make sure you get that brain, too. Carol doesn't forget, even in the heat of the moment.
Carol pulls a Rick.
Rather than trying to save her neighbor's life, Carol ends her suffering with a quick knife to the brain, just as Rick did with Carter last week.
Carol goes undercover…
…AGAIN. Between hiding within Terminus, hiding within Alexandria, and now hiding within the Wolves, Carol Peletier has cemented her status as a spy master. She's basically the Ethan Hunt of "The Walking Dead."
Carol pulls an Indiana Jones.
Just when we thought we were in for an epic Morgan versus Wolf showdown, in comes Carol to anticlimactically take the bad guy out. Total Indy move.
Carol and Morgan pull a Han and Chewie.
Gotta love Carol's Harrison Ford obsession.
"Hey Aphid, where did you get the gun?"
"Good question, EXCEPT I'M NOT APHID."
"Aphid, can I have a hug?"
"Sure, except (A) I'm not Aphid and (B) HOW ABOUT SOME BULLETS INSTEAD???"
"Wait, you're not Aphid!"
"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU"
Carol takes Olivia to 10-second gun-training school.
"Stand here, finger here, aim there. If one of them comes through the door, you squeeze and you don't stop until they're on the ground."
Carol has no time to hear these Wolves out.
Carol gives guns to everyone, even Father Gabriel.
Desperate times and all that.
Chop. Chop. Chop.
Carol finds the scarlet letter.
What does the "A" stand for in this bloody new context? Who knows right now — but Detective Peletier is already on the case.
Carol takes a walk to remember.
Andy Samberg singing "Cool Carols don't look at explosions" will be stuck in my head all day today.
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