Lessons Learned at the 2013 Golden Globes

Continuing the trend of an unpredictable Awards Season, the Golden Globes took us aback by providing three hours of great speeches, wacky bits and the greatest hosts this side of Bob Hope. Below, we break down our biggest takeaways of the evening.

If You Want Something Done Right, Get A Lady (Or Two) To Do It

The verdict is in. As suspected, based on their widely beloved presenter bits over the years, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were the strongest Golden Globes hosts perhaps in its entire 70-year history. Warm, accessible, and genuinely funny, the gals never dumbed anything down or took a cheap shot, and instead opted for intelligent, jokes, peppered with a healthy dose of the absurd. No jokes were awkward or stale, and their chemistry with everyone in the room crackled, especially with a certain salt & pepper charmer. The best jokes of the night, if we had to pick? The dig at James Cameron and referring to Bill Clinton as Hilary Clinton's husband.

Also check out: The 9 Funniest Quotes from the Golden Globes

Jodie Foster Still Reigns Supreme

The legendary actress brought what appeared to be the entire room to tears with her fierce, unapologetic, inspiring, beautiful, if not occasionally spacey acceptance speech. Foster came out by not coming out, took Hollywood celebrity culture to task, reflected on her lustrous career, waxed poetic about the future, and eloquently praised those close to her, most notably with the nicest thing I've ever heard a human say about his or her ex in the history of time, "There is no way I could ever stand here without acknowledging one of the deepest loves of my life, my heroic co-parent, my ex-partner in love but righteous soul sister in life, my confessor, ski buddy,consigliere, most beloved BFF of 20 years, Cydney Bernard." Easily the best and most interesting lifetime award acceptance speech in recent memory.


His name is Sam Fox. He is 23 years old. He is perfect. The possibilities are endless

Jennifer Lawrence Really Is That Great

Red carpet perfection - check. A sweet, funny speech full of genuine emotion - check. Successful Harvey Weinstein joke - check. Clever First Wives Club reference - check. And all of this while sick with the flu, unable to take a drink due to  the antibiotics regimen, and allegedly two days out from a breakup with her boyfriend of two years? J-Law, if you weren't my idol already….

The Campaigning Just Got Real. Emphasis On The Word Real.

Pulling out all the stops, WB sent real life former CIA agent Tony Mendez, portrayed "Argo" by Ben Affleck, in to co-present the Best Picture hopeful, while Dreamworks called ol' pal Bill freaking Clinton to endorse Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln", setting the internet on fire with mildly inappropriate jokes regarding who would be on hand to present the "Zero Dark Thirty" package.

Paul Rudd Hates "Girls"

Or so (jokingly?) implied his face during the show's win, which garnered hilarious reactions from Judd Apatow and the "Girls" crew when when played back for them during the E! post show.

Taylor Swift Is Not Amused. Tommy Lee Jones Is Not Impressed

What's got Swift's goose? Her predictable loss to Adele? Tina Fey's good advice disguised as a dig? Loosen up, Taylor! As for Tommy Lee Jones, he's Tommy Lee Jones. When is he EVER impressed?

Solid Improv Training Goes A Long Way

I feel as though I speak for us all (Tommy Lee Jones notwithstanding) when I say I could have watched Kristin Wiig and Will Farrell all night. Hilarious.

Not All Comedians Do Good Presenters Make

Funnymen Jonah Hill & Sacha Baron Cohen fell flat with their presenting bits. Hill's slightly misogynistic lovers quarrel with Megan Fox befuddled more than amused, and none of Cohen's jokes landed, despite a valiant attempt made at the expense of "Les Mis" weak point Russell Crowe. Apparently even though Crowe's lackluster singing voice is common knowledge, Hollywood isn't ready to collectively acknowledge it yet.

Sofia Vergara Loves Pepsi

And everyone else in America officially hates it.

The Cast of Downton Abbey Have Great Weed Biscuits

What do you mean Aziz Ansari was joking? Why would you ruin this for me??? Whatever, In my world, Michelle Dockery runs a successful side business crafting delectable homemade edibles and Aziz Ansari is her most enthusiastic new customer.

Maggie Smith Will Never Give An Acceptance Speech At Any Point During The Rest Of Our Natural Lives

But if she did, MAN would it be good.

Ben Affleck Would Have Been the Frontrunner For Oscar

After picking up the BFCA for director and picture, and now the Golden Globe for both as well, if Affleck was nominated for an Oscar, "Argo" would not only be the Best Picture frontrunner, but Affleck would be considered the heavy favorite to call himself an Academy Award winning director come February 24th. But thanks to Oscar ballot deadline changes and numerous other potential x factors, Affleck doesn't have a shot at that particular gold. Still makes you wonder if this overwhelming good will towards Ben will actually defy the stats that say "Argo" has no shot without a Best Director nod and pave the way to the film's victory. And maybe even a write-in campaign…?

Lea Michele Thinks That's a Real Skin Color

It's not.

Christoph Waltz Still Doesn't Know How to Give A Coherent Speech

But boy is he charming while he tries. Never change.

Everyone Should Be From North London

From her accent to her ebullient attitude, Adele was having the damned time of her life winning for her original Bond song, "Skyfall." Much looser than audiences are used to seeing her, perhaps it was being outside of her industry that allowed the singer to figuratively let her hair down, but she became an instant crowd and internet favorite and all but sealed up the Oscar win - if you're one to believe acceptance speeches play a role in that sort of thing. The cherry on top? Her high five with Bond himself Daniel Craig.

Gingers Well On Their Way Towards World Dominance

Damien Lewis, Julianne Moore and Jessica Chastain all walked away with awards. COINCIDENCE?!?! Yes. Probably.

HFPA Presidents Know How To Have Fun

Hey, Bradley Cooper. Call her maybe. #thathappened

The Internet Does NOT like Anne Hathaway

Maybe it's because of her accusation that the BFCAs were gauche the other night, or maybe it was her using a "Les Mis" producer's time on stage to thank her agents, but the internet seems to be slowly but surely turning against Ms. Hathaway, complaints of entitlement running rampant. Sure, Hathaway may have some of that classic theater kid manic energy about her, but it's obvious she means well. How sweet was that tribute to Sally Field?! She thanked Tina Fey for the word "blerg!" Not to mention, she truly deserves all the accolades being heaped upon her for her heart wrenching performance as Fantine. Don't lose faith now, Internets!


Daniel Day Lewis, Don Cheadle, Ben Affleck, and Hugh Jackman mark only a few of the men who credited their success to their longtime loves, and in an extra burst of adorbz, Jennifer Garner finished husband Affleck's thank yous before presenting the award for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy. Although it seemed like the producers may not have been keen on the idea, it was still a surprisingly sweet moment. All in all, there was a lot of love for women in that room last night.

One Of The Evening's Producers Has Definitely Seen "Chloe"

And decided to be a super creepster about it by holding on Amanda Seyfried during Julianne Moore's speech.

It's Possible To Have A Wildly Entertaining Awards Ceremony

Perhaps the biggest takeaway of the evening was that watching an awards telecast can actually be a great time. The right hosts, the right winners, the right jokes, the right energy, with nothing superfluous or poorly executed to distract, the Golden Globes have thrown down the gauntlet and Seth McFarlane has a lot to live up to when he steps on stage next month to host the one awards show to rule them all. All eyes on you, Oscar. Don't eff it up.

Also check out: What We Learned About the Oscars at the Golden Globes

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