Delete Your Account: Hey, It’s Me, Nikki Blonsky From 'Hairspray'
Delete Your Account is a weekly column that takes the hot air out of celebrities, the media, and their social media shenanigans. Every Friday, I will decide whether each perpetrator should delete their accounts and never grace the internet again. This week, Nikki Blonsky gets left out, Rihanna wants the Navy to chill, Kylie Jenner gets scammed, and Gayle King gets some unsolicited advice.
Aside from Tiffany Trump, is there a more tragic figure to emerge in 2016 than Nikki Blonsky? While her social media presence has always been slightly (OK, majorly) mockable, this meme was everywhere this week in the lead-up to NBC’s Hairspray Live! This is because Blonsky will never let you forget that she was in the film adaptation of Hairspray, whether that involves tweeting celebrities and reminding them that she was in the film or her constant throwbacks on Instagram to the one time she made a movie with some people who are still famous.
While Blonsky did earn a Golden Globe nomination and other accolades for her role as Tracy Turnblad in Hairspray, things began to unravel for her pretty quickly. On July 30, 2008, Blonsky and her family got into a goddamn Jerry Springer–style brawl with the family of Bianca Golden, the only America’s Next Top Model contestant more volatile than Jade Cole. Imagine your acting debut in Hollywood gets you a Golden Globe nomination, and then you celebrate by beating up a reality TV star and her family. Blonsky claimed that she still had nightmares from the fight and woke up in the middle of the night screaming, “Please stop hitting me!,” which is exactly what you tell People magazine if you’re planning a lawsuit, but I don’t think her scam went anywhere. This was pre-Joanne. Scamming tips weren’t available to the masses yet.
Blonsky was subsequently cast as the lead in Huge, an underrated ABC Family series set at a weight-loss camp. It was actually a really good show, but it got canned because it wasn’t about skinny girls running around in the middle of the night sticking their noses into other people’s business. After that, Blonsky snagged some guest spots on iconic shows like Smash (don’t @ me) and a role in the independent film Geography Club. But she is still obsessed with Hairspray. It consumes every moment of her life. When Blonsky is in her old age, Joe Gillis will be floating dead in her swimming pool and she’ll be telling Mr. DeMille she’s ready for her close-up as she belts out “Good Morning Baltimore” one last time.
Blonsky is so obsessed with Hairspray that whenever she reaches out to another celebrity on Twitter, she reminds them that she’s Nikki Blonsky from Hairspray. Is the meme cruel? No crueler than Lil Mama’s tears becoming a meme, I suppose. But what do you expect when you tweet at Rita Wilson that you’re dying to be on Law & Order: SVU?
And then there’s this post from the night of Hairspray Live! One of the best moments of the show, which was pretty fantastic, was when Ricki Lake (who played Tracy in the original ’88 film) and Marissa Jaret Winokur (the original Tracy on Broadway) appeared in cameos. Blonsky was noticeably absent, but the wildest part of her Instagram is that it says congrats “from myself and the rest of the Hairspray Movie Cast!” I’m not sure anyone else in the cast signed off on this Instagram, Blonsky. But thanks for forever being the lone spokeswoman for Hairspray, nearly 10 years after its release.
SHOULD NIKKI DELETE HER ACCOUNT? Someone turn off this girl’s Instagram and treat her to a nice spa day. She needs it.
Honestly, can we end this once and for all? Beyoncé and Rihanna do not hate each other. Rihanna herself said that she can be petty as fuck, so if she actually hated Bey, wouldn’t there be more tangible evidence? This is, after all, the same Rihanna who told Ciara “good luck with bookin that stage u speak of.” And Beyoncé can be just as petty — let’s not forget that time she took a selfie of herself in bed on the day of Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kanye West. If these two hated each other as much as people want to believe, there’d be a lot more collateral damage.
But, of course, this is the internet, and no one on the internet is a reasonable person. Rihanna’s fans, the Navy, are forever feuding with the Beyhive, Beyoncé’s fan base. Who has the most ringtone downloads in Brazil? Whose concert merchandise doesn’t shrink in the washing machine? There’s literally nothing that a stan will not use as ammunition in a fight. Which is why Rihanna getting fewer Grammy nominations than Beyoncé this week led this stan in particular to lash out at Beyoncé. Because … why? Because it’s easier to stir up internet drama than to make sense, I guess.
In a surprising turn of events, Rihanna liked the shady Instagram post. This of course led to all-out war between the Navy and the Beyhive. Once Rihanna caught wind of the drama, however, she slid into the comments to Rihply (what her fans call her responses to them on Instagram) that it’s time to drop the topic of her feuding with Bey. Rihanna says she didn’t read the caption, she just liked the photo, and to be honest, it is a funny photo. And Rihanna is usually too busy getting high or sipping wine or otherwise looking fabulous to be checking to see if every Instagram post by a fan is a stealth attack against Beyoncé.
Will these fan bases ever get along? Probably not, but Rihanna and Beyoncé seem to be above it all. I mean, you don’t see them making thinly veiled attacks on one another with their music videos like someone I could name …
SHOULD RIHANNA DELETE HER ACCOUNT? As if. Rihanna is the greatest gift to social media ever created. Most of the time I only want to follow Rihanna and forget the rest of the world exists.
First of all, that tweet from Kylie isn’t real. It was made up by Good&Co because they wanted promo for their app, which I guess helps people get jobs? It’s pretty obvious the tweet is fake because if Kylie was actually tired of the ads, she wouldn’t have named the company and its mission statement in a tweet so she could send it out to her fans. So basically, we have nothing more here than a thirsty company trying to use Kylie to get buzz for themselves.
This would basically be a non-story, except …
Girl, I thought 2016 was the year of realizing stuff? If it really was, maybe you’d have known better than to tweet out the company’s publicity stunt. No one was really paying any attention to Good&Co until Kylie called it out. She’s right, it was a fake-ass tweet to get publicity, but the publicity came from you tweeting about it in the first place. Kylie fell hook, line, and sinker for a dumb social media stunt when all she had to do was ignore it.
SHOULD KYLIE DELETE HER ACCOUNT? Not until I figure out how to get her to inadvertently promote my vacation GoFundMe.
I fucking love Oprah. This is so petty, but exactly the kind of thing I would do to one of my best friends. Oprah loves Gayle and supports her by watching her show every morning while she’s on the treadmill, clearly, but she will not stand for getting distracted by a gaudy piece of jewelry from the Tomi Lahren Wet Seal Collection.
But the funniest part of this is that Gayle doesn’t know that Oprah is always right. She had to ask Instagram what they thought about her necklace. The responses were a resounding “girl, listen to Oprah.” Gayle, you finally have something in common with Kylie Jenner. You, too, played yourself this week.
SHOULD GAYLE DELETE HER ACCOUNT? No ... I mean, unless Oprah tells her to do it.