Billie Eilish Opens Up About Grappling With Fame: 'It Was Horrible For A Year'

'Now I love what I do, and I'm me again'

Diehard Billie Eilish fans would probably agree that the singer's career skyrocketed after the release of her debut album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?, which came out this past March and made good on years of pre-album buzz. But like many celebrities, the sudden onslaught of fame was difficult for her to grapple with at first. And what began as a creative outlet quickly turned into worldwide adoration for a 17-year-old who's not afraid to experiment with her sound. Now that she's settled into her fame a bit, though, Eilish told Elle that she kind of likes it — despite not being able to go out in public.

"No, I can't go anywhere," she told the magazine of her lifestyle since becoming a celebrity. Fortunately, she doesn't really want to— especially if it involves running errands. "That’s OK," she said. "What am I gonna do? Go get some soap? At some store? Ha-ha, I'm good." Apart from the fame and fortune, it appears she's just like most other teenagers in this way.

(Simone Joyner/Getty Images)

Reading Festival 2019 - Day Two

But just because the "Bad Guy" singer isn't spending her time picking up soap at a convenience store doesn't exactly mean she has any free time. In fact, doing nothing only makes her feel lazy, and the mere thought of having unoccupied time in her schedule is, well, "gross." "Yuck!" she said. "Days off are gross! What the fuck do I do now? I don't like being bored. I don't like being lazy. Even when I've got a fucking sprained ankle and I'm sick."

Still, there are times Eilish wishes she could not be famous. And while she doesn't miss running errands or having free time, she finds the attention particularly bothersome when she's at the airport. "I wish I could turn it off then," she said. "When I'm in the plane and two girls come and tap me on the fucking face and take a picture of me while I'm trying to sleep. Don't get me wrong — I love every person that gives any fucks about me. But there are lines. People forget what respect is."

Despite incidents like the one she described on the plane, Eilish has come to really love her fans and all the love they've shown her. And considering where she was just a couple of years ago, it's amazing to see her fully embracing life at 17 — an age she wasn't sure she'd ever live to see. "Two years ago, I felt like nothing mattered; every single thing was pointless," she told the mag. "... I was fully clinically depressed. It's insane to look back and not be anymore. ... I was a 16-year-old girl who was really unstable. I'm in the happiest place of my life, and I didn't think that I would even make it to this age."

For fans of Eilish who are clinically depressed themselves, she wants you to know that finding happiness again had nothing to do with becoming famous. And if you're feeling stuck, let her be a reminder that dark times don't last. "I've gotten to a point where I'm finally OK," she said. "It's not because I'm famous. It's not because I have a little more money. ... For anybody who isn't doing well, it will get better. Have hope. I did this shit with fame riding on my shoulders. And I love fame! Being famous is great, but it was horrible for a year. Now I love what I do, and I'm me again. The good me. And I love the eyes on me."