Only the fine delicacy of human excrement can save this planet's food chain.

(scumdog) Who from Gwar is going to be here??

(Eric) Gwar is God ... Oderus is Jesus ... and Sylvestra is the Mother Mary.

(scumdog) Slymenstra.

(Eric) Oh yeah.

(voidlife) Anyone see Gwar in Providence? Kickass show.

(Eric) I saw Gwar in Cohoes, NY. Good stuff. I got pissed and shit on.

(Sonicbabe) Hi, we're at the @Cafe here in NYC, just waiting for Gwar. They'll be here any minute -- sit tight.

(me) Why did Gwar ditch the new costumes after the Skulhed tour?

(scumdog) They didn't, Oderus just went back to his old pads.

(voidlife) I like Oderus' older costume better. I don't like the spines, I like his big old spikes on both shoulders.

(Slymenstra) All men deserve to be burned after what they have done to witches and I'm just the chick to do the job.

(scumdog) Behold, it is Slymenstra!

(Slymenstra) Behold, you will never touch my kind of beauty.

(me) She looked REAL good on this tour. I blew the biggest load of my life. We love ya baby!

(scumdog) Let me ask a serious question. How come some of the dates from the tour were canceled? People have been complaining -- maybe it was snow, I don't know.

(Slymenstra) They are full of shit. It isn't our fault. People falsely advertise our arrival.

(Sonicman) Slym, what'd you do during the blizzard?

(Slymenstra) Slept like a bear.

(Sonicman) What was the inspiration for This Toilet Earth?

(Slymenstra) To flush another huge amount of money down the toilet and call it art, or even worse, music.

(gnome) Who's that dude in the corner of the RAGNAROK cover?

SEXYSLEZY: Basically what it means is that when the comet Ragna Rock destroys the Earth, only the most elite few will be given a seat on the escape ship that leaves the Earth.

(gnome) Do you know Gwar, Slezy?

(SEXYSLEZY) Yeah I know Gwar, I'm their f*cking manager!

(scumdog) Hey Slezy! I met you at a Gwar show once and you PROMISED I could have a tour of the slavepit! PLEEEEEASE???

(SEXYSLEZY) Scumdog, you make it down to our secret hideout and you can have a tour.

(Slymenstra) I'm getting bored. Why isn't anyone showering me with gifts, compliments and drugs?

(Sonicman) What kind of gifts do you want?

(Slymenstra) Young boys would even do.

(voidlife) Sly, I remember after the show here in Flint, people were THROWING pot at youse guys. Aren't you already set on the drugs part?

(ODERUS) Hey ... I'm doing an interview right now ... will be with you in a second.

(Slymenstra) No man is ideal because after a while you find yourself looking at the man you've been wanting to marry and you think -- him? Him? Anyway, no man can withstand my powerful clutches.

(Sonicman) Slym, what's the largest thing you can crush?

(Slymenstra) Men break in my presence -- crumble. They can't even speak, my beauty stuns them so. Bitch: being in total control of herself.

(me) Sly, one night with me and you would be changed from a dominant bitch to a submissive housewife. Try me!

(scumdog) Hey Slezy, set the record straight -- what was that original lead singer's name? Tony Anaroma, or something like that?

(SEXYSLEZY) Joey Anaroma. That'll keep you trivia buffs happy for a while.

(scumdog) And wasn't there a Slutman, too?

(SEXYSLEZY) Yes, there was a Joey Slutman and a Johnny Slutman.

(Eric) Scumdog knows too much already.

(scumdog) I already dominate the Net's Gwar scene.

(shaft) Do you use real jizz and urine for your live shows?

(Slymenstra) Only the fine delicacy of human excrement can save this planet's food chain.

(voidlife) BTW, come and check out #gwar on "regular" IRC some time, we need more "regulars" there!

(scumdog) What ever happened to the Kozik X-COPS picture-disc idea?

(Slymenstra) I heard the test pressing the other day. A song I did called "Can't Find a Man" is on it.

(scumdog) When do you think the next tour will be?

(SEXYSLEZY) Next tour starts in May!

(ODERUS) Hello, it's Oderus, ruler of your pathetic planet!

(scumdog) Tell me why you guys decided to cut back on the blood this tour? Lack of funding? And whatever happened to our gray alien head?

(ODERUS) We did more blood than ever on this tour, you idiot!

(scumdog) What was wrong with your head in Seattle and Portland? I have bootlegs from later in the tour, and it's back!

(ODERUS) There will be no midgets for you! My head grew back!

(Slymenstra) I'm going to socialize like the butterfly flutterby I am! Let's find some new men to make into ladders and climb up.

(me) Will Gwar ever be confronted by the Master Otis Yeehah? Oderus, could you take Otis Yeehah one on one?

(SEXYSLEZY) Who the hell is Otis Yeehah!

(scumdog) Why is Flattus such a wuss that he always takes off his armor before the show ends?

(voidlife) Yeah, Flattus and Balsac BOTH were half-naked before the end of the show in Grand Rapids during the Wrestling tour.

(ODERUS) He's just a big baby. He got shot in the butt!

(Eric) Who's the dude who sells shirts with the dreadlocks and the machine gun bullet belt?

(ODERUS) The guy with the dreads is the lead singer of the band Grimple!

Eric: He scared me. All I wanted was a sticker. He harassed me sexually.

(scumdog) Wasn't he seeing Slymie for a while there??

(Eric) Her clamtrap has been locked for eons!

(gnome) Who is Grimple?

(ODERUS) Band from Berkeley!

(scumdog) Oderus, you guys should take the Dickies on tour again. They're having a hard time drawing a crowd these days, but they still rock.

(scumdog) Get the Dickies and the Mentors, that would be a show.

(me) Can someone back me up that the Master Otis Yeehah should be on the next tour?

(SEXYSLEZY) Who the hell is Otis Yeehah!

(Zorak) That stupid show you guys went on and told the host that there was to be MANDATORY abortions for all ugly chicks.

(me) "Join me and the Master Otis Yeehah and rid the world of his deadly enemies. Which means no more super bake-offs ... or women with tits the size of Ethiopia ..." Now do you know who I mean? Does anyone else know who Otis Yeehah is besides me? Listen to "Technosong" off Hell-o.

(voidlife) I dunno, I'd LOVE to see the cops open for Gwar again. THAT would be a show to see.

(SEXYSLEZY) I now inhabit the corpse shell of Bob Dole, who's been dead for three years now. I wear his body like a cheap suit. I figure the only reason I didn't get elected before was I wasn't sleazy enough.

(voidlife) Is the offer for a big bottle of malt liquor still good for anyone who votes for you in the '96 election?

(SLAVE) Oderus, command me please.

(ODERUS) Find a dog, marry the dog and make an honest dog of the dog.