Steve-O Writes 'Goodbye Letter' To Drugs, Details Past Substance Abuse In E-mail From Rehab

'I'm not ready to die. I'm ready to live,' 'Jackass' star writes in letter addressed to alcohol and drugs.

Steve-O is calling it quits. On Sunday, the "Jackass" star transferred himself from Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center to an undisclosed rehab facility. He has sworn off drugs and on Thursday (March 20), he wrote a "goodbye letter" to alcohol, marijuana, nitrous oxide, amphetamines, LSD, ketamine and cocaine, just one week before his arraignment for a charge of cocaine possession.

"All you f---ing things are good for is dying," he wrote to the drugs, in an e-mail that actually went out to the usual group of friends who've been receiving detailed [article id="1583676"]updates of his hospital stay[/article]. "I'm not ready to die. I'm ready to live."

The statement comes on the heels of an e-mail he sent two weeks ago that read, "I'm ready to f---ing die." That missive -- an invitation for people to watch him take a 25-foot fall onto concrete -- alarmed Johnny Knoxville and other friends enough to make them [article id="1583372"]forcibly take Steve-O (real name: Stephen Glover) to Cedars-Sinai[/article] on March 9 and place him on a "5150" hold for suicidal behavior.

Glover's 72-hour hold at the hospital was extended to a 14-day stay, which he didn't complete before transferring to rehab.

"You can count on my staying nuts; it's just the alcohol and drugs I'm trying to leave behind," Glover told MTV News on Thursday.

In the letter to drugs, Glover wrote that he has been taking account of how he got into alcohol and drugs in the first place, the experiences he has had while on them and what they've done to him, in order to begin his recovery. His late mother's alcoholism was certainly a factor, starting with when he was fed alcohol as a baby so he wouldn't cry during their frequent trips on airplanes. When he was 8, his parents allowed him to start drinking on New Year's Eve. And by the time he was 12, he was vomiting from drinking too much.

"I can't believe I ever picked up my first drink on my own, after the way alcohol ruined [my mother's] life," he wrote. "I'd love to say that I first took to alcohol out of affection for my mother ... but I think the truth is that I was always powerless over it."

By the time Glover was 16, his letter said, he became a "stoner/druggie," and not by accident. "I tried [marijuana] because I had made a decision to find it," he wrote. Next up was LSD, which he took "on a regular basis," and by 17, amphetamines. Soon he was obsessed with nitrous oxide, "the drug I 'fiend' for, by far, the most," he wrote. "I used to inhale this gas by the cartridge ... by the case." Then there was ketamine, "a drug that I had not-at-all-subtle experiences on," he wrote. "Enough said.

"It is not my intention to glorify my history as a drug abuser with elaborate stories about having sex in lavatories on airplanes after snorting amphetamines off the toilet," he added. "[But] it was my prerogative to try just about any drug I could get my hands on."

Everything except crack cocaine -- despite his rap song about smoking it, that's one Glover says he never did. Powdered cocaine, however, is another story. (He plans to plead not guilty at his arraignment on Wednesday, according to his lawyer Barry Sands).

Attempts to quit had varying degrees of success. At 18, Glover said he looked up Alcoholics Anonymous, and after approximately 19 days of not drinking, he resumed, with a shot of vodka for each day he had missed. By 20, his mother forced him into rehab, and sobriety lasted two and a half months . He tried to kick cocaine, but the longest he managed was just over one year. "The second longest was roughly six months," he wrote. "You get the idea." Nitrous, however, he managed to kick six months ago.

But now, Glover wants to make a serious, life-changing attempt to get clean and is asking his friends and doctors to help him.

"It became frighteningly clear to me how lucky I am to still have any chance whatsoever at leading a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life," he wrote. "My luck will not last with continued use of alcohol and drugs that are not prescribed to me by doctors that are aware of my addictions. ... My friends are still my friends, but also understand that my health requires that I not be around drugs and alcohol."

Will that be enough? As he wrote, the nature of his work "almost embraced my addictions."

"My behavior is so impossible to predict, it is unbelievable," he wrote. "I don't know where to begin. Anyone who has known me for so much as a couple of months ... even the police officers who arrested me this month can tell you that I've got to be the craziest motherf---er they've ever laid eyes on."

Johnny Knoxville doesn't think sobriety will change that in his friend, except for the better. After visiting Glover in the hospital this week, Knoxville reported back on the "Jackass" blog: "He is doing really great. He is clear as a bell and hilarious as ever. ... We all laughed a lot and talked about future things. In the past, I might have taken that for granted with Steve-O, talking about future things, but not anymore. I am so thankful to talk about his future and he is, too. I am so glad to have my friend back. ... It's the same ol' Steve-O, only better -- so much f---ing better."

As for those future plans, Glover said he's "ready to fall in love [and] ready to become ready to start a family." In his closing, he addressed his drugs, "Maybe I'll see you f---ers if and/or when I'm ready to die."

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