The Official MTV News 2016 Music Gift Guide

Happy holidays from the MTV News music staff!

Looking for a perfect gift for someone who loves music? Look no further! MTV News spent weeks tracking down the best offerings this holiday season — cool, unique, reasonably priced items that say “I care about your taste in music.” Then we lost that list (whoops!), so we hastily assembled this replacement gift guide 10 minutes before our deadline. We make no promises about whether these gifts will make that special music fan in your life laugh, cry, or tweet about how no one understands them. Enjoy!

By Sasha Geffen, Hilary Hughes, Charles Aaron, Alex Pappademas, and Michael Catano.

Gold-Plated Concert Bracelet

Price: $187

Wait, what? One of those plastic wristbands you get at a concert, but instead of plastic, it’s gold.

Who should I buy it for? The festival junkie who wants to wear an even bigger brag on their wrist than the Coachella/Bonnaroo/Lollapalooza triple play — although, to be fair, this bracelet plated in literal gold costs less than each of those festivals’ three-day wristbands.

Fancy Joy Division T-Shirt

Price: $225

Wait, what? A Joy Division t-shirt, but way more expensive.

Who should I buy it for? The Ian Curtis stan who knows that showing off a little extra collarbone is worth at least $200.

Accent Table Shaped Like the Zune Logo

Price: $548

Wait, what? A table shaped like the logo of Microsoft’s infamous and now-defunct iPod competitor, the Zune.

Who should I buy it for? Your friend who wouldn’t stop talking about how their Zune was superior in every way to your iPod Nano — so you can rub in the fact that history decided against them.

Jimmy Buffett’s Songs You Know by Heart on Vinyl

Price: Less than $20

Wait, what? Jimmy Buffett’s greatest hits, including “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” “Margaritaville,” and “Why Don’t We Get Drunk,” in high-quality analog format, for some reason.

Who should I buy it for? Your uncle who owns multiple Parrothead-themed clothing items but sold all his records for gas money in ’86.

Smart Cloud

Price: $3,360

Wait, what? A literal, non-figurative cloud sculpture that hangs in your living room (or your bedroom, if that’s what you’re into) and puts on “a unique lightning and thunder show dictated by your movement.” Also, it’s a Bluetooth speaker.

Who should I buy it for? Someone who’s big into gadgets and also big into conceptual art about late-capitalist-era decadence.

Cannibal Corpse Butchered Apron

Price: $20

Wait, what? An apron for use while butchering and doing other kitchen activities, which has the long-running death metal band’s gruesome logo on the front.

Who should I buy it for? Guy Fieri

Kenny Chesney No Shoes Nation Light Up Lei

Price: $10

Wait, what? Honestly, we’re not sure. It’s a ... novelty lei? That lights up? With a special medallion to tell the world that you’re a proud member of Kenny Chesney’s fandom?

Who should I buy it for? Someone who called their presidential elector’s office to ask them to write in Kenny Chesney’s name.

Vinyl-to-CD Recorder

Price: $400

Wait, what? A turntable that moves music from one obsolete format to another (it also does cassettes!).

Who should I buy it for? Your dude who still doesn’t have Spotify or iTunes because he needs to feel the music, man — but sometimes he needs to feel it in his car, too.

Rose Quartz Crystal Earrings by Misty

Price: $33.75

Wait, what? OK, so, this juicing mogul in L.A. posted over the summer about a “beloved” rose quartz crystal that had gone missing from her shop. Father John Misty (a.k.a. sardonic folk-rocker Josh Tillman) claimed that he was the thief (he wasn’t), and then he started selling these earrings made from a cache of “recently acquired rose quartz crystals in Josh Tillman’s private collection” as merch. Get it? He’s making a sophisticated joke about the absurdities of modern life by selling you some stuff.

Who should I buy it for? These are actually no longer being sold, but if you just tell your friend who recently left Silver Lake about them, that’s probably good enough.

“Smells Like Teen Spirit” Art Print

Price: $210–$615

Wait, what? With the lights out, you can’t see the fake-metal texturing of this tough-guy art print proclaiming the title of Nirvana’s most popular song.

Who should I buy it for? The guy in your friend group who has watched five separate documentaries about Kurt Cobain’s death and yet somehow still thinks Nevermind was Nirvana’s first album.

William Patrick Corgan, Siddartha Box Set

Price: $375

Wait, what? In February of 2014, William Patrick Corgan (formerly known as Billy Corgan, frontman of Smashing Pumpkins and Zwan) improvised electronic music on a submarine control room’s worth of modular synthesizers while an audiobook of Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha played in the background. For eight hours. With only one pee break. Now the recording of that transcendental experience has been pressed to limited-edition clear vinyl, signed and numbered by the man himself. There are five records in the boxed set, which also comes with a Corgan-branded trucker hat and a stylophone for making your own incomprehensible noise, but there’s a lifetime’s worth of enlightenment.

Who should I buy it for? Me, Sasha Geffen of MTV News, who was in the room the day William Patrick Corgan improvised electronic music over a Siddhartha audiobook for eight hours and who wishes every single day that I was still in that room.

Lust for Life Shadow Box

Price: $349

Wait, what? A crinkled piece of paper with the words “LUST FOR LIFE” printed on it, mounted in a nondescript box.

Who should I buy it for? Joe Corré, the Sex Pistols heir who burned £5 million worth of punk memorabilia for fun (so he can burn this, too).

X-Ray Photograph of DJ Decks

Price: $715

Wait, what? An X-ray photograph of DJ decks printed on Plexiglas. According to the description, “the artwork is mounted to protrude from the wall, casting intriguing shadows back upon it.”

Who should I buy it for? The Chainsmokers

Limited-Edition Staind Blanket

Price: $129.99

Wait, what? Haha, no, not a stained blanket. A Staind blanket! You know, the band it’s been a while since you heard anything about? Anyway, they made a blanket out of all the t-shirts they couldn’t sell over the years and now it can be yours.

Who should I buy it for? Your friend who’s been singing “It’s Been Awhile” every time someone says “it’s been awhile” since 2001.

Unauthorized Leonard Cohen T-Shirt

Price: $19.95

Wait, what? We have seen the future, baby, and it’s you looking terrific in this bootleg long-sleeved tee featuring the cover of the late Leonard Cohen’s 2002 hits package The Essential Leonard Cohen.

Who should I buy it for? The fourth- or fifth-biggest Leonard Cohen fan you know.

Kid Rock’s Fire Arm [sic] Ornament Set

Price: $25

Wait, what? No two snowflakes are alike, but we’re pretty sure there’s no snowflake that looks like the bullet chamber of a pistol, or a six-pointed configuration of ammo shells, or a kaleidoscopic graphic of guns. We’re also pretty sure it’s spelled “firearm.”

Who should I buy it for? The cousin you got into a fight with at Thanksgiving dinner who wouldn’t let up about her emails.

Electric Sexy Drum Pants

Price: Unknown

Wait, what? Knee-length sweatpants with a drum machine trigger pad sewn into the crotch.

Who should I buy it for? Your old roommate who gave himself a repetitive stress injury by playing too much Dance Dance Revolution.

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