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13 'Friends' Episodes That Couldn't BE Any Weirder

Rat babies? Kissing cousins? SCREAM.

It's no secret that we love our "Friends." Even Phoebe (better yet, especially Phoebe).

"I'll Be There For You" is pretty much our life anthem at this point, and let's just say the DVD collection is officially unrecognizable from all the action it's gotten over the years.

But even we can admit that there were some pretty cringe-worthy moments that went down with the Central Perk Six. And while we do still treasure every episode and secretly hope that the chair-healing angel will one day bring us that reunion everyone's been begging for, we could've done with these incidents going a little less off the rails.

Phoebe's Rat Babies


Phoebe Rat Babies

As Rachel once so eloquently put it, Phoebe's "always been sort of a question mark." Whether it's a story about her friendship with Cowboy Albino Bob, that time a pimp spit in her mouth, her dental appointments killing friends and family, or her upbringing on a barge, there's always been some sort of off-kilter fun fact to be learned about Miss Buffay. But when she went postal over her responsibility to raise a box of rat babies ... we did not hop on board for that storyline. Mike's ability to talk her down from that one was a testament to his wide capacity for strange.

Gladys and Glynnis


Gladys and Glynnis

Another instance of us not getting a kick out of Phoebe's buffet of quirks was when she forced her hideous "artwork" down her BFFs' throats. Those things were more of a punishment than Monica's best-worst massages. Needless to say, Rachel and Monica were way better pals about it than we would've been. Blech. Hey, well, at least they got a good scare out of Joey with 'em.

Ross and Joey's Naps


Joey and Ross Nap GIF

Joey and Ross? Hey, we would've shipped that a whole lot more than any of that Joey and Rachel business (more about that later). But when the two were guiltily sneaking onto each other's couches for naptime snuggles for actual sleep, it was just all just very bizarre.

Cousin Cassie


Cousin Cassie Friends Denise Richards

Speaking of Ross' oddball sofa behavior, there was also that time he made a move on his own cousin, knowing full well that they were blood related. And we know that he was 100 percent aware of just how far past the line it all was because he had a lengthy and quite disturbing inner monologue about that very fact. But, of course, he still went for it. Ross!

Pervy Parade for the Parents


Friends Phoebe Mike'

Granted, Phoebe was extremely nervous to meet her boyf's Park Avenue 'rents, so a few wobbly comments were to be expected, but when she actually name-checked her unfortunately-titled song "Ode to a Pubic Hair," touted Mike's lovemaking skills to his own mother and gut-punched his father apropos of nothing she lost us. We shudder to even remember that ridiculously awkward encounter.

First Name Crap, Last Name Bag

The WB

Phoebe Mike Friends Name Change Princess Consuela Banana Hammock Crap Bag

We have no proof that they actually did this - and it's not like we can go check the record books because, much as we'd like to believe otherwise, these were fictional characters. But before they became Mr. and Mrs. Hannigan, Phoebe and Mike opted for another for another set of marital monikers: Princess Consuela Banana Hammock and Crapbag. And here we thought Mike was supposed to imbue a little normalcy into her life. Not so much.

Ross and Russ

Ross Russ Friends

The scene-splitter editing guy/gal was probably a pro thanks to all the Ursula/Phoebe twin stuff, so we're just going to assume the writers wanted to give him something to do when they came up with this random storyline. The only redeeming factor to it all was that we got to see Ross unwittingly make fun of himself over and over and over again.

Bald Bonnie's Sloppy Seconds


Bald Bonnie Friends Christine Taylor

Is it just us, or was it too creepy that Rachel hooked up with Ross the day after she heard him and Bonnie (Christine Taylor) getting busy at the beach? Sure, they were lobsters and all that jazz, but he had been making whoopie with someone else - and loudly enough to wake the whole house, no less - the night before. But at least they actually were on a break when it happened this time. So, there's that.

Monica Walking the Plank with the Junior Dr. Burke


Monica and Richard Burke'

Monica midnight smooching with her own brother by accident wasn't even half as grody as when she went after Richard Burke's son Timothy (Michael Vartan) - who also happened to be a super hunky optometrist. Yuck.

Phoebe and Malcolm


Malcolm Friends David Arquette

We're all about Phoebe's ability to overlook a guy's flaws and all, but come on. Her sister's stalker Malcolm (David Arquette) who accidentally follows her around after confusing her with Ursula? Gross with a Capital G.

Phoebe and Her Sister's Ex-Fiance


Sean Penn Friends Phoebe Ursula Fiance

And that wasn't the only time she followed in her big (Urs is a minute older, remember?) sister's, er, footsteps. Five seasons after her first incident with one of her twin's former flames, she went and broke up her engagement to school teacher Eric (Sean Penn) and tried to keep him for her own. Which was very unsisterly of her and way too twisted to even sort of rationalize.

Ross and Rachel's Sister


Rachel and Jill Green Reese Witherspoon Friends

Speaking of disgusting, there was also that time Ross somehow thought it'd be cool to go after his ex-girlfriend's little sister Jill (Reese Witherspoon) right in front of her. The mind baffles, it truly does.

Rachel and Joey


Joey and Rachel Couch Kiss GIF

We're sure glad these two weren't able to "power through" and take this ill-begotten relationship to the next level because (a) it wouldn't have worked and (b) Ross and Rachel 4ever and (c) no.