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Jamie Dornan Won't Go Full-Frontal For 'Fifty Shades' Because Hollywood Doesn't Want Us To Have Nice Things

Cue the sad trombone.

There's an enormous amount of choice intel in Jamie Dornan's latest, lengthy interview with The Guardian, but for those who've been breathlessly anticipating his pantsless turn as a sadomasochistic playboy in "Fifty Shades of Grey," the only information that matters is the part about his... parts. During Dornan's conversation with the Guardian's reporter, the following exchange took place:

"There were contracts in place that said that viewers wouldn’t be seeing my, um..."

Todger? He laughs. "Yeah, my todger."

That's right, guys. Jamie Dornan has conspired to contractually deny "Fifty Shades" fans a glimpse of his manly bits, because much like Christian Grey himself, he takes perverse delight in your deprivation and torment.

On the plus side, there's no mention in the interview about contractual limits vis-a-vis Dornan's backside, which means that while (ahem) sausage might not be on the menu for "Fifty Shades of Grey," audiences can at least probably count on a full moon on the night of the premiere, if you know what we're saying.

"Fifty Shades of Grey" will be out February 13, 2015.