'Leviosaaaa': The 42 Greatest Things Hermione Granger Ever Said

You can't spell HERmiOne without HERO. Just sayin'.

It's no secret that Hermione Granger is basically our patronus. The girl, she does not miss. Ever.

And thanks to all the book knowledge and fantastic life experiences the overachiever acquired over the course of her time at Hogwarts, she was always full of wonder and witticisms about the world of wizardry. Which made the "Harry Potter" MVP one quotable little witch.

So, to celebrate the magic of Hermione, we pieced together this list of the most excellent zingers she slung during the course of her time as the HWIC (Head Witch In Charge) of "Harry Potter."

You might want to dust off your book and DVD collection for an epic re-read-and-watch sesh pronto after this. Accio memories!


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Hermione Pleasure GIF

Now, that's how you make a memorable first impression.

"Right. Perspective."

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Hermione GIF

Of course she would be thinking about Harry's birthday cake instead of the gobs of deatheaters who tried to kill them all just now. Of course she would.

"You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!"

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Hermione Punches Draco

'Cause that's exactly the kind of intelligent insult you throw down right before you punch a guy like Malfoy in the nose. (He had it coming.)

"Awful things happen to wizards who've meddled with time."

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Hermione Awful Things Happen To Wizzard Whove Meddled With Time GIF


"Charming, Ronald."

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Hermione 2GIF

Ya burnt, Ron.

"You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats."

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Hermione Egyptians

To be fair, Ron's comeback about the dung beetles was equally on point.

"I'll have a cappuccino."

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Hermione GIF3

As with virtually everything else, Hermione knows just what to do when a trio of undercover wizards suddenly find themselves in a muggley scenario. Because Hermione.

"Then I'll know you've gone back to normal."

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Hermione 4 GIF

Ron being inadvertently rude? Always.

"Who cares? I mean, it's sort of exciting, isn't it, breaking the rules."

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Hermione Breaking the Rules

To which Ron deftly spoke our minds by responding, "Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?"

"Everyone, this is Loony... Luna Lovegood."

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Hermione Patronus GIF

For someone who's such a stickler for accurate pronunciation, her goof on this one was extra hilarz.

"That foul, evil old gargoyle!"

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Hermione 5 GIF

One of the unintended results of Hermione being such a bookworm is that her insults are prim and studious.

"I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading."

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Harry Potter Reading Books GIF

500 pages? Give her a solid hour.

"Viktor's more of a physical being ... I just mean he's not particularly loquacious."

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Hermione Viktor Crum GIF

A match made in ... the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

"Do you ever stop eating?"

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Hermione Do You Ever Stop Eating

Hahahaha. No.

"No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign."

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Hermione 6 six

Always with the info.

"Very well spotted."

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Hermione You'

Captain Ron Obvious, at your service.

"That thing has a name?"

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Hermione Fluffy

Was anyone else surprised she *hadn't* read ten volumes on the subject already?

"Fleur never got past 'ze grindylows'!"

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Hermione Smile GIF

As far as we know, they don't teach French at Hogwarts, but her accent way très bon.

"She's a little sensitive."

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Hermione Moaning Myrtle Shes a Little Sensitive

Hermione getting eye-rolly over Moaning Myrtle's many feel outbursts was too hysterical.

"You complete a--, Ronald Weasley! You show up here after weeks, and you say 'Hey'?"

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Hermione Ron Woods

Oops. You said "I missed you" wrong, Won Won.

"He's vile."

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Hermione 7 GIF


"What an idiot."

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Hermione What An idiot GIF

Welp. She calls 'em like she sees 'em.

"Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?"

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Hermione Is That Really What My Hair Looks Like From The Back

A moment of levity for the Hogwarts braintrust? Approved.

"So a genius like Dumbledore couldn't possibly be fooled by a dodger as pathetically dim witted as an aging potion."

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Hermione 8 GIF

Dim-witted dodger? Yep, we're going to have to jot that one down.

"That's totally barbaric!"

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Hermione That'


"You have to realize who you are, Harry."

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Hermione and Harry GIF

She moonlights as a life coach, didn'tcha know?

"Excuse me, I have to go vomit."

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Hermione Excuse Me I Have to Go Vomit

Lavendar and Ron? Yep. Vom. We get it.

"Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled."

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Hermione Now If You dont Mind GIF

Ron might think she needs to "sort out her priorities," but this is pretty much exactly what we love about Hermione.

"I'm always mad at him."

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Hermione 0 GIF

Truth. (You already know who "him" is.)

"Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery."

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Hermione Books and Cleverness

Ten points for this sweet saying.

"Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?"

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Hermione Granger GIF

And she would know.

"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon."

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Hermione Just Because Youve Got The Emotional Range of Teaspoon GIF

Ron's like, "One person couldn't feel all that. They'd explode!" And then Hermione's like .........

"What's got your wand in a knot?"

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Hermione Snow GIF

Somebody call Madam Pomfrey stat 'cause that cut was DEEP.


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Hermione Boys GIF

Huff, puff (wait...).

"He's been poisoned, you daft dimbo! And as a matter of fact, I've always found him interesting."

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Hermione daft dimbo

GTFO already, Lavender.

"I'm not an owl!"

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Hermione I'

Get 'em, Granger!

"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."

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Hermione Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.

Bring it on, VOLDEMORT.

"I've always admired your courage Harry, but sometimes you can be really thick."

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Hermione I'

Which is why he really needs Hermione around.

"Actually I'm highly logical which allows me to look past extraneous detail and perceive clearly that which others overlook."

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Hermione Granger GIF Harry Potter

Seven books worth of character material summed up into one sentence right there.

"Stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's LeviOsa, not LeviosAR!"

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Hermione Leviosa not LeviosAR

Get it right! Classic.

"Always the tone of surprise."

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Herminoe Always the Tone Of Surprise

If we didn't already know it was Jean, we might seriously think Amazing is her middle name.

"Honestly, don't you two read?"

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Hermione HOnestly Dont You Two Read

Short answer? Nah.

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