It's no secret that Hermione Granger is basically our patronus. The girl, she does not miss. Ever.
And thanks to all the book knowledge and fantastic life experiences the overachiever acquired over the course of her time at Hogwarts, she was always full of wonder and witticisms about the world of wizardry. Which made the "Harry Potter" MVP one quotable little witch.
So, to celebrate the magic of Hermione, we pieced together this list of the most excellent zingers she slung during the course of her time as the HWIC (Head Witch In Charge) of "Harry Potter."
You might want to dust off your book and DVD collection for an epic re-read-and-watch sesh pronto after this. Accio memories!
Now, that's how you make a memorable first impression.
Of course she would be thinking about Harry's birthday cake instead of the gobs of deatheaters who tried to kill them all just now. Of course she would.
"You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!"
'Cause that's exactly the kind of intelligent insult you throw down right before you punch a guy like Malfoy in the nose. (He had it coming.)
"Awful things happen to wizards who've meddled with time."
Ya burnt, Ron.
"You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats."
To be fair, Ron's comeback about the dung beetles was equally on point.
"I'll have a cappuccino."
As with virtually everything else, Hermione knows just what to do when a trio of undercover wizards suddenly find themselves in a muggley scenario. Because Hermione.
"Then I'll know you've gone back to normal."
Ron being inadvertently rude? Always.
"Who cares? I mean, it's sort of exciting, isn't it, breaking the rules."
To which Ron deftly spoke our minds by responding, "Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?"
"Everyone, this is Loony... Luna Lovegood."
For someone who's such a stickler for accurate pronunciation, her goof on this one was extra hilarz.
"That foul, evil old gargoyle!"
One of the unintended results of Hermione being such a bookworm is that her insults are prim and studious.
"I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading."
500 pages? Give her a solid hour.
"Viktor's more of a physical being ... I just mean he's not particularly loquacious."
A match made in ... the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
"Do you ever stop eating?"
"No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign."
Always with the info.
"Very well spotted."
Captain Ron Obvious, at your service.
"That thing has a name?"
Was anyone else surprised she *hadn't* read ten volumes on the subject already?
"Fleur never got past 'ze grindylows'!"
As far as we know, they don't teach French at Hogwarts, but her accent way très bon.
"She's a little sensitive."
Hermione getting eye-rolly over Moaning Myrtle's many feel outbursts was too hysterical.
"You complete a--, Ronald Weasley! You show up here after weeks, and you say 'Hey'?"
Oops. You said "I missed you" wrong, Won Won.
"What an idiot."
Welp. She calls 'em like she sees 'em.
"Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?"
A moment of levity for the Hogwarts braintrust? Approved.
"So a genius like Dumbledore couldn't possibly be fooled by a dodger as pathetically dim witted as an aging potion."
Dim-witted dodger? Yep, we're going to have to jot that one down.
"That's totally barbaric!"
"You have to realize who you are, Harry."
She moonlights as a life coach, didn'tcha know?
"Excuse me, I have to go vomit."
Lavendar and Ron? Yep. Vom. We get it.
"Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled."
Ron might think she needs to "sort out her priorities," but this is pretty much exactly what we love about Hermione.
"I'm always mad at him."
Truth. (You already know who "him" is.)
"Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery."
Ten points for this sweet saying.
"Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?"
And she would know.
"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon."
Ron's like, "One person couldn't feel all that. They'd explode!" And then Hermione's like .........
"What's got your wand in a knot?"
Somebody call Madam Pomfrey stat 'cause that cut was DEEP.
Huff, puff (wait...).
"He's been poisoned, you daft dimbo! And as a matter of fact, I've always found him interesting."
GTFO already, Lavender.
"I'm not an owl!"
Get 'em, Granger!
"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."
Bring it on, VOLDEMORT.
"I've always admired your courage Harry, but sometimes you can be really thick."
Which is why he really needs Hermione around.
"Actually I'm highly logical which allows me to look past extraneous detail and perceive clearly that which others overlook."
Seven books worth of character material summed up into one sentence right there.
"Stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's LeviOsa, not LeviosAR!"
Get it right! Classic.
"Always the tone of surprise."
If we didn't already know it was Jean, we might seriously think Amazing is her middle name.
"Honestly, don't you two read?"
Short answer? Nah.