If there's one thing that we love about the World Cup, it's the new variety of hot dudes it brings to our attention. Like, sure, soccer, fun and cool, but let's be real: Soccer players tend to be a handsome bunch, and when you bring the best of the best together, it might as well be an issue of Tiger Beat, but geared toward people out of tweendom who pretend to have fancy hobbies. (Like watching soccer. Ahem, football.)

To celebrate the kickoff of the world's hottest sporting event (sorry, Olympics, some of your sports really bring down your average), we've pored over thousands of statistics pictures to bring you the very hottest soccer player from each participating team.

So grab your fans, turn on your TVs, and may the hottest footballer win.

GROUP A

Brazil - Marcelo Veiria

Are you tired? You've been running through our minds all day.

Mexico - Hector Moreno

Baller.

Croatia - Danijel Pranjic

Let's kick it.

Cameroon - Fabrice Olinga

We'd watch this guy play a double-header any day.

GROUP B

Spain - Cesar Azpilicueta

He's had 24 years to make his face look that good. What have you ever done.

Netherlands - Joel Veltman

We'd let this defender defend our hearts. Or something.

Chile - Carlos Carmona

Like Fatboy Slim, he just wants to celebrate you.

Australia - Dario Vidosic

Go on a date with your new mate, Dario.

GROUP C

Colombia - Jackson Martinez

We'd be just fine with this forward being a little forward.

Greece - Sokratis Papastathopoulos

You may not be able to spell his name on the first try, but you won't forget that face.

Cote D'Ivoire - Didier Zokora

Yes, of course he's the one on the left.

Japan - Yoichiro Kakitani

The face of a man who knows he's good-looking.

GROUP D

Uruguay - Luis Suarez

Luis wants to kick it with you.

Costa Rica - Yeltsin Tejeda

He may be a midfielder, but we'd put him at the top of his field.

England - Jack Wilshere

Lucky number seven, indeed.

Italy - Lorenzo Insigne

Those quads.

GROUP E

Switzerland - Xherdan Shaqiri

This is our field of dreams.

Ecuador - Fidel Martinez

We like 'em lungey.

France - Remy Cabella

If you like them inked up and French, have we got a treat for you.

Honduras - Jerry Bengtson

A superb demonstration of ball skills.

GROUP F

Argentina - Augusto Fernandez

He wears a suit almost as well as he wears a jersey.

Bosnia and Herzegovina - Muhamed Besic

Super serious. (Seriously good looking.)

Iran - Daniel Davari

You know what they say about goalies.

Nigeria - Ogenyi Onazi

He flies high.

GROUP G

Germany - Christoph Kramer

He's got that Draco Malfoy vibe.

Portugal - Cristiano Ronaldo

No commentary necessary.

Ghana - Jordan Ayew

We're Ghanas for this one.

United States - Graham Zusi

Long, flowing locks? Check. Muscles? Check. We could go on.

GROUP H

Belgium - Dries Mertens

Yeah, we'd split a waffle with him.

Algeria - Nabil Ghilas

We respect a man with a sleek ponytail.

Russia - Aleksander Kokorin

We're fans.

Korea Republic - Ha Dae-Sung

He's a (foot)baller.