Remember when Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen had that cute little video series, You're Invited to Mary-Kate & Ashley's? It ran from 1995 to 2000, and its theme song claimed, "We're calling everyone, we're putting out the welcome mat." Well, funny enough, I never received my invitation. If the twins wanted everyone to RSVP, why did I receive no invite in which to respond? I couldn't just show up unannounced, could I? I needed to receive confirmation from them that I was, indeed, welcome to attend.
Instead, all I got was a big fat wad of silence and crushed dreams, forced to watch all of their fun parties from afar. Thanks for nothing, girls. Thanks a whole lot.
A Sleepover Party
This party is the one that started it all and hurts the most. I would've played a game called Video Monster, but I wasn't invited. I would've put on creepy AF makeup and scared boys, but I wasn't invited. And, I would've sung a classic song about pizza, but I. wasn't. invited.
A Hawaiian Beach Party
You know what's awesome? Having a "Wild, Wet, Wacky, Wonderful" time in Hawaii. Know what else is awesome? Actually being invited to parties.
A Birthday Party
Munching on birthday cake and jumping in a bounce house sounded like a blasty-blast. Too bad I was stuck at home, eating stale crackers and getting in trouble for jumping on the couch.
A Christmas Party
Hey, Mary-Kate and Ashley, remember when you danced around and sang a song with gingerbread cookies? I do. Did I receive a cookie from you? Nope, not even a broken one.
A Mall Party
What in god's name is a "mall party"? Would've known if I'd been invited.
A Ballet Party
The faces you're making reflect my feelings about not being invited yet again.
A Campout Party
Knock knock! (Who's there?) A camping party for. (A camping party for whom?) Not me, apparently.
A Costume Party
Trying on all those clothes from the '50s, '60s, '70s, and '80s looked awesome. Too bad I was stuck just wearing my denim overalls, handmade puffy paint shirt, butterfly barrettes, and jelly sandals. Yippy skippy.
A Fashion Party
What goes together better than the Olsen twins and L.A.'s Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising? Me and unanswered emails demanding answers.
A School Dance Party
Hold up. How the hell did Margie from the Zenon movies get an invite and I didn't? She's not even nice. Remember all that crap she did to Zenon? If that's the kind of person you want at your parties, then FINE. I'm better off.