YOU WANT YOUR MTV, AND PARAMOUNT+ HAS IT

17 Signs You’re Dating Mario (And It's Not Going Super)

He's a toad, not a prince.

At first Mario jumped through hoops (and over deadly pits) to impress you, but lately you seem to be the least of his priorities. He's off in his own world -- his own galaxy, even -- and you're reconsidering whether you two have a future together here in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Sorry, princess, but if you recognize these relationship warning signs, then he's just another 8-bit chump, not the Italian stallion you'd hoped for. You're a peach, so stop letting him treat you like his toadstool.

He’s been so distant -- it's like you're not even living under the same roof.

Nintendo

1405354940376.cached

Every voicemail he leaves is the exact same: “It’s-a me, Mario.”

Yeah, duh, Mario, you're the only person who still leaves voicemails. So predictable.

He doesn’t have time for you, but he always makes time for collecting more coins ... and drag-racing with his friends.

Nintendo

tumblr_ltbmvwbsx21qk26dzo1_500

You’re open-minded in bed, but it kinda creeps you out when he's all, "Let's play doctor."

Nintendo

tumblr_mw998vEmI41rvp5ygo1_500

Also, you're convinced that he's got a hardcore furry fetish.

Nintendo

mario animal costumes 2

Every Valentine's Day, he only gives you one flower, not a dozen.

Nintendo

SMWFlower

...and the cheap bastard doesn't even buy candles because "I can shoot fireballs now."

You keep telling him that beards are way hotter than mustaches ... but he'll NEVER change his dated '80s look.

Nintendo

mariostache2

"I don't need to use a condom, baby -- I have an invincibility star."

Nintendo

animaatjes-super-mario-64-731639

He stomps all over everyone ... you most of all.

Nintendo

tumblr_mquxhnUhNd1sqvt72o1_500

He calls you his "ball and chain," but you're the one who feels like a prisoner.

Nintendo

peach-weeping-mario-anime

He's only taken you to the movies ONCE, and things got weird.

Nintendo/Buena Vista Pictures

usYmOQq

"Let's get this straight: He's my pet, not 'our' pet, OK?"

giphy-2

Did Mario make it clear that he'd keep custody of Yoshi if you two ever split? Then he's already got one Kuribo's Shoe out the door.

"If you want a goddamn golden ring so bad, maybe you should date Sonic instead."

tumblr_mb4q48rp3c1qh5mzfo2_500

Let's face it, girl: he has no idea what he's doing with your plumbing.

warppipe-copy

...but you still doubt it was a "total accident" that time he warped in through the back pipe.

He's always trying to save his "damsel in distress" from every jerk in the world. It’s 2015 ... you can fight your own battles!

Nintendo

tumblr_nbthbjbSnx1qjfcy0o1_400

Your friends can't understand why you’re with “the old, stocky one" when his younger brother is available.

Nintendo

tumblr_mzebichUio1sq3i5ho1_500

You walked in on this, and Mario's only explanation was, "What?! That's just how dudes say 'hello' in Hyrule..."

HBO

tumblr_n5uanhuyKk1qb6v6ro1_400