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Squidward Is Not A Squid And Your Whole Life Is A Lie

Seriously, Nickelodeon?!

Remember when we found out Hello Kitty isn't actually a cat and the entire internet freaked out? It's happening again, sort of.

"SpongeBob SquarePants" creator Stephen Hillenburg revealed in a 2005 -- yeah, THAT long ago -- video that Bikini Bottom's resident grouch was actually an octopus, not a squid.

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This little detail went relatively unnoticed for years and years until now, and people are flabbergasted about the big news.

But there's one important caveat: Squidward has only six tentacles on the show, while octopi obviously have eight.

Hillenburg says two tentacles were dropped to make the cartoon easier to animate, which makes sense we guess, but we can't help feeling a teensy bit deceived. I mean, why call the character SQUIDward if he's not actually, ya know, a squid? This is why I have trust issues.

To help you process this huge betrayal, we brainstormed some much more accurate names for Squidward's character given this info. Here's what we came up with:

Octoward

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Obviously. He is a pretty awkward dude anyway.

Octogus

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For some reason, this name seems to really represent Squidward's personality.

Octony

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This sounds like someone who would know how to play clarinet.

Oscar Octosmith

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This sounds like one classy dude.

Tony Tentacles

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Bikini Bottom is all about the alliteration.

Oliver Octogrump

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Well, the "grump" part is definitely accurate.

Eighty

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But would it have to be Sixty since he's only got six tentacles?

Or maybe the other two tentacles are hidden and only emerge when he's on land, as one Twitter fan cleverly observed: