The 'American Horror Story: Hotel' Guide To Cleaning Blood Out Of Anything

Stains, glorious stains.

Although last night's big "American Horror Story" moment was the revelation of the Countess' ultimate fate, we also said buh-bye to another favorite ghost from the Hotel Cortez.

Miss Evers, the enigmatic laundress and loyal, long-suffering help to the murderous Mr. March, has been banished from her employer's sight -- and ours too, unfortunately.



Despite having one of the more heartbreaking backstories on AHS Hotel, Miss Evers was always a bright point this season, eloquently delivering such classic lines as "Post-mortem excrement is the biggest stain challenge of them all!"

But since she won't be around to wash up whatever messes the show makes in its season finale, we've put together this handy cleanup guide in her honor, to be used in her absence. Here's how to clean a glorious bloodstain out of basically anything, anytime.

Freshly-spilled blood? Here's what to do.

On linens: As the official laundress of the Hotel Cortez -- and Mr. March's one-woman murder cleanup crew -- 90% of Miss Evers' job was to clean gallons' worth of blood from the bed linens. The best way to do this: Soak or rinse the sheet in cold water immediately to rinse out as much blood as possible, then apply a heavy-duty dishwashing liquid directly to any remaining spots and let it sit for 30 minutes. If blood still remains after another cold-water rinse, treat the stain again with straight hydrogen peroxide before putting the item through a cold-water wash. Just don't use hot water or a dryer until the stain is completely gone, or the blood will literally cook into the sheets -- and then nobody, not even Miss Evers, will be able to get it out.

On the rug and/or upholstery: If the bloody action ends up sullying a carpet or armchair, use a solution of cold water and dish soap and a clean, dry cloth to blot the stain away.

On the wall: A wet sponge and a dab of dish soap should remove fresh blood from a wall. (If the stain is older, you can spray hydrogen peroxide on it and go to work with a damp cloth to remove the broken-up particles -- but blood is murder to remove from wallpaper, so try to keep it contained, will you?)



And for older bloodstains, here's a neat trick.

There's a reason why our lovely laundress was always hovering nearby, waiting to grab the blood-soaked linens as quickly as possible: if left to dry, blood will react with the oxygen in the air and bind to the stained item. But if you can't get to a sink and some soap right away, that's okay! As Miss Evers would surely tell you, a nice big grind of salt (or better yet, meat tenderizer!) and a damp cloth will break up and begin to lift even an old bloodstain.